In this article I’m going go over the concern “girlfriend left me for a rich guy” and whether or not to “step up” and help a woman out financially, when you’ve gone on several dates with her. I’m also going to talk about gold diggers and address the question “Is she a gold digger?”
Let’s start by going over this question asked by our good friend C.
Frankie I’ve read your advice and my situation is unique as the woman I was seeing for a year was separated and working on a post-nuptial.
It’s a weird situation.
I met her from a dating site and from the first date we loved being together. When we met she lived on her own but her business as an esthetician was not lucrative so she moved back to live with her husband while still planning on leaving him. He is a dentist.
She is used to a rich lifestyle and we had many great times together. I live an hour away from her and would see her when our schedules worked. I have my living expenses where I live and I pay child support which will be done in a few years.
So as she is planning to move out again she asks me if I can help her financially and I said yes I will help you as much as I can and in a few years I can help a lot more.
She said “put your big boy pants on and step up to the plate” and pay all her living expenses and she will pay for our entertainment and when we go out. I think she mainly wants to use her money for her failing business.
I told her I would help as much as possible. Long story short she texted me
that she is probably too needy for me and we should go our separate ways.
I was devastated I loved her so much and wanted us to work as a team to
stay together and build our future. She said so many things to me like we
were soulmates and she wanted to spend her life with me . I felt the same
This has been so hard we were so compatible and our time together was amazing and she said the same.
She ended us 2 weeks ago and we have not seen each other for a month. I sent her a letter a week ago but have not text or called her since. Advice????
It seems that at the beginning, things were going really great. The way you behaved around her got her attracted to you and things were going awesome.
However, you failed to draw some boundaries along the way. When she asked you for financial help, you gladly gave it to her… and this was a big mistake.
Don’t Try to Solve All Her Problems
This mistake is actually easy to make… and many good guys like you and me have fallen for it.
You see, when we really fall for a girl… we want to be her everything. We want to not only be her lover, but also her provider. It’s like we want to take care of her and solve ALL her problems. (By the way, if you’re not careful, trying to do everything for them will cause women to feel “smothered” by you)
Set Strong Boundaries, Women Will Look For Weaknesses in Your Boundary
In your case, it was still too early on in the “relationship” for financial help.
I would have waited at least until it was an “official” developed relationship.
At the time, she still lived with her husband… she was dealing with her own stuff. Those are HER problems, and bringing you into them by asking you for money is actually kinda shady on her part. Even the way she said “put your big boy pants and step up to the plate” made me cringe, because it’s like she was shaming you if you didn’t do it.
That’s where the boundary should have been drawn.
I know you might feel some hesitation doing this. For most men, “putting their foot down” is risky and they fear such a move will scare a woman away. So they do anything to please her in order to avoid conflict.
However, there’s a good chance standing up to yourself here would have made her more attracted to you.
Instead, her attraction went down, and to your shock, she decided to end things… with the excuse that she is too needy for you.
Now here’s the thing… when a woman’s attraction fades for you, most of the time she can’t explain WHY she lost attraction, so she searches for an excuse that oftentimes is BS. That’s why the excuse she gives doesn’t really matter. What matters is that she lost attraction.
Reading between the lines, it looks like she felt she could walk all over you by making you help her financially and she felt guilty about it.
But if, instead, you didn’t help her at all, she wouldn’t feel as bad, and at the same time, she
Let Her Earn Your Provider Qualities Over Time
Here’s another way to look at it. Men typically fall into a “lover” or “provider” role with a woman. At the beginning, you satisfied her “lover” role, but then turned into the “provider” and “prospective boyfriend” too quickly. You should have stayed in “LOVER” mode longer.
You see, you want her to earn your “provider” qualities over time.
Because, as I explain in point #6 in this article, women love the chase. In particular, they want to feel like they put in effort to win over your “provider” qualities.
You wanting to be their boyfriend is the PRIZE you have to make them earn. But when they feel like they won you over too easily, they get bored and move on to the next guy.
Her Ex-Husband Was Already Her “Provider”
If her ex-husband already filled up her “provider” slot, she was hoping you’d fill the slot of the “lover”.
Looking at her live-in situation with her ex, there’s a good chance this woman stuck with her ex-husband longer so she could “milk” more money out of him.
In other words, he was satisfying her “provider” role, which she didn’t want to lose. In the relationship he probably let her walk all over him, he became “weak” to her, and it made her lose attraction.
He was unable to act like a “lover” through his attitude and behavior, so he compensated with money with the belief it would buy her love and affection.
However, this is something that made her resent him even more and completely lose sexual attraction for him.
Of course, this might not be the case at all, but I’m speculating because it’s something that typically happens.
She had him as her provider, while you were her lover. But then when you also started taking the provider role, she backed away because she already has someone filling up her provider slot. That’s why now you’re saying “girlfriend left me for a rich guy”.
Is She a Gold Digger?
Another concern is that she is a gold digger, which means she likes getting into “provider” type relationships that give her a rich lifestyle. She values that quality over the emotional or sexual bond.
This isn’t inherently “bad”, as long as both parties know what’s going on.
However, if you’re looking for a girl who wants to be in a relationship because she is attracted to who you are, and she enjoys spending time with you, you have to qualify for that kind of girl.
Let’s say you start seeing a girl…
Soon, she asks you for financial support…
But it’s too early, so you make a stand and decide you won’t do it…
And because of it, she ends things because you can’t support her…
Now that should be fine by you, because you are filtering for girls who want to be with you for who you are, not your money. (I mean it’s one thing when she wants you to be have a car, a place of your own, and to be able to support yourself… but it’s another thing when she can only be with you if you make at least 7 figures a year).
In this hypothetical situation, you would quickly figure out what kind of girl she is, and she would disqualify herself.
Even though she “ends things”, it’s a win-win because you don’t want that type of girl anyways. So instead of “girlfriend left me for a rich guy” it’s more like “she isn’t the kind of girl I want.”
But You Gave Her Financial Support = Provider Qualities
However, you gave her financial support early on in the relationship… and this complicates figuring out why she left you.
The reason she left you could be any or a combination of the following:
- Maybe she felt guilty about making you help her financially
- Maybe she became less attracted due to a weakness in your boundary
- Maybe she actually wanted a provider who would give her at least a 7-figure lifestyle
Only Focus On What You Can Control
Focus on being the best version of you, and on qualifying for the type of woman you want.
Therefore, to filter for the girl you want, you would not help her out financially until the relationship gets more serious. That eliminates the possibility she felt guilty from using your money, and that eliminates the possibility she lost attraction over a weak boundary.
…which leaves us the last question: Is she a gold digger?
That would have allowed you to clearly see if she wanted you for the money or because of the kind of person you are.
What to do Next?
If you’re saying “my girlfriend left me for a rich guy” you probably want to know what to do moving forward.
Go no contact and go about your life, until she reaches out. When she does, assume she misses you, and make a date. Create a fun-filled opportunity for sex to happen.
However… you have to stay in “lover mode.” Be her lover, not her boyfriend.
No financial help. No talking about feelings. No talking about relationship “labels.”
Treat it as a first date. Only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.
As you have these types of dates for several weeks, she will become more attracted and then she’ll begin to ask you “relationship label” type questions.