The girl you’re seeing wants to break things off. She wants to stop seeing
Suddenly you are blindsided. You are knocked out of balance. You are thrown into a whirlwind of emotions and don’t know where it will take you.
Desperate and confused, you desperately ask the girl questions to attempt to find out WHY she has lost feelings… and whether she’ll ever “like” you again.
And let’s face it… as a man, you seek answers!
So you pummel her with questions like “why don’t you like me anymore”…”what happened?” …or how she’ll feel in the future…
Believe it or not, this is a common situation that almost all men go through. My subscribers write me all the time… hurt and frustrated about a girl who lost feelings for them and they don’t know why. Let’s go through some of their emails to analyze their situation.
PAY CLOSE ATTENTION: I have a feeling you might be experiencing the same situation as them.
The girl I dated said she needs distance.
I think our dates were too serious and intense and maybe she started to think in a relationship too early.
This has never happened before.
I felt we were very attracted to each other before… but now she doesn’t feel it anymore.
Here’s our conversation:
Me: Do you think you’ll want to see me again in the future?
Girl: For now I prefer it to be this way. Maybe one day, who knows..
Me: Not to meet again is a possibility, isn’t it?
Girl: It’s always a possibility … Kisses, I have to go to sleep ….
Me: There was clearly a big change between two months ago and right now. You’re not telling me everything. I’m going to sleep too. Kisses.
Girl: I’m telling you everything. But deep down I have nothing to say. Sorry, maybe it would have been better if we never met. Because now it seems that I owe you explanations for everything. Sleep tight!
Me: In a while, I will invite you to meet again. Kisses.
Girl: You should not insist so much … Everything in life only works if both parties wish it.
Me: Two months ago you’d never say “maybe it would have been better if we never met”.
Girl: But I’m free to change my mind, am I not? I think I tried to see what could happen, but I felt like pulling away again, and what happens is always difficult to do. I have to be giving you these big justifications and deep down there is nothing to justify.
Me: I respect this and no, you do not have to give justifications. What I wanted to say was precisely that you can change your mind again. We’ll talk again in a little while and see you soon.
How do I fix this?
Hey S, reading the conversation, I can already tell that it’s too intense.
You’re putting too much pressure on her to give you explanations… you’re asking her why she feels differently now… and this all makes her very annoyed causing her to back away.
When you wonder why she feels differently, that is the answer you’re looking for. The way you behaved is the reason she lost interest.
She may or may not be aware of why she lost attraction for you, but if she knew exactly why and she was blunt about it, she would say “I feel like pulling away from you because you keep pressuring me about my feelings, you are too serious about this relationship, you are too needy about making this work, I feel like I’m losing my freedom, and it’s no fun anymore.”
She feels smothered and wants space.
Here’s the deal:
When you get into these conversations about your feelings, it pushes women away…
…because it shows you’re gunning for a serious relationship way to soon.
This is especially true if you haven’t even kissed or had sex with her yet.
Women are turned off by men who are quick to show an interest in being “boyfriend and girlfriend”. (It’s one of these 3 “nice guy” mistakes).
Instead of trying to win her over by portraying your “boyfriend qualities”… show her your “lover qualities” instead.
Think of it this way: You becoming her boyfriend is the prize she earns. When you’re too quick to give that prize to her, she loses attraction.
This is because women LOVE the chase. They want to feel like they have to win you over. When you don’t allow her to go through that process, because you are too needy to making her your girlfriend, you don’t give her a chance to fall in love with you.
That’s why you have to be her lover first… and boyfriend much much later.
Make sense? Okay let’s move on to the next question.
There’s this girl that I met last year. My approach on her was spontaneous and luckily I landed her number in my phone.
She was taken aback by my approach because she said she wasn’t expecting something like this on that day, she even uttered these words “you have just made me feel special and also made my day.”
Literally she was blushing and her face was all pink. We started chatting and I was a little bit reluctant at first to ask her out on a date and I just settled to the meagre talks that we had.
I then decided to grow a pair and just blatantly asked her to chill out with me while being precise with the date, time and location.
She agreed to my proposal and we chilled together at this restaurant on campus.
The conversation was good but not overwhelming.
I wanted to tell her that I liked her and would surely love to have her as my gf but I was too scared to do so.
Even now I haven’t done it.
She does meet with some other guys but break up quickly with them.
I don’t know what to do. I love this chick, may I please have your advice on this.
Hey L, you started off great…
You confidently approached her, got her number… and set up a date. Good job!
However, don’t tell her that you love her and want to make her your girlfriend, or you’ll ruin it.
Instead, what you need to do is set up a date with the opportunity for you to kiss or get physical with her. That’s how you make a “move” on her.
Don’t focus on getting into a relationship, or you’ll scare her off.
In other words, don’t act like you are “boyfriend material”…
Instead, be her lover. You wanna act like you’re only interested in “fun”.
Thanks for the advice! It has really helped me. I was able to set up a date again this time around, guess what I flippin kissed her. It was magical and she is officially my chick. Thanks once more mate.
Awesome! That’s how you do it man, nice work!
See what happens when you shift your thinking from “making her your girlfriend” to “having fun with her”?
Men who are in “scarcity” thinking easily make the mistake of getting romantic too fast, asking women about where they stand with them, and they are desperate to lock the woman into a “relationship”.
Wanting to jump into a relationship too fast is “woman-like” behavior that causes women to lose feelings for you.
A girl you’re seeing starts losing feelings for you when you don’t properly allow her to fall in love with you.
See, the way you conduct yourself reflects either a “boyfriend” attitude… or a “lover” attitude,
Whether you carry yourself as a “boyfriend” or “lover” is the KEY to whether the woman’s attraction for you continues to grow into love… or whether she will lose attraction for you.
Now here’s the deal…
When you first meet a woman, it’s natural to be attracted to her first physically,
and later emotionally. You want to “get physical” with her. So you as a man carry yourself with confidence and take the proper steps to create an opportunity for “getting physical” to happen.
You go about it in a two-steps forward, one-step back manner, where you make sure the woman is comfortable with your advances, and you create a fun-filled romantic experience for the both of you to enjoy.
BUT HERE’S WHAT TYPICALLY HAPPENS TO RUIN IT ALL:
A short period of time after you meet her, you start getting “romantic feelings” for this girl.
You start fantasizing about a future with her as your girlfriend by your side.
You envision yourself introducing her to your friends… introducing her to your family… taking her out with you on a roadtrip… building a future together… moving in together… getting married… having kids… getting a dog… having her by your side as you conquer your life and career goals.
You get these feelings and you entertain this grand fantasy in your mind.
These warm fuzzy romantic feelings start manifesting in the way you interact with this girl.
The first is you start texting her more… and you act more like her “boyfriend”.
- You act “lovey dovey” and send romantic texts like “good night <3″… “good morning”… “kisses”… “I miss you”
- You send texts to “check in” on her whenever she goes out
- You act jealous and possessive when she hangs out with other guys.
- Whenever she doesn’t text you for a long time, you send “Is everything alright?” because you fear that you’re losing her
- You might even start saying “I love you”
There are a lot of ways that this romantic state of mind gets reflected in your text communication.
When you hang out with this girl, these romantic feelings manifest in how you carry yourself.
- You start acting in a more “boyfriend” manner
- You cuddle more
- You give her “forehead” kisses (this is like saying “I love you” without even saying it)
- You say “I love you”
But now this gets very interesting, because if you have a fantasy that she’s your “one and only”… anything that threatens to break the exclusivity that YOU HAVE HER all to yourself, will give you fear of loss.
When She Fades Away
Something that typically happens in a courtship when you’re seeing a girl who isn’t your girlfriend yet… is that there comes a moment in time when she fades away for a bit.
And if you’re in the state of mind of having her all to yourself, you will get a big jolt of fear. You will really worry when she gets distant.
If you don’t know what to do when this moment comes, you will freak out and you will act in a way that causes the girl to lose attraction. (Here’s a story of how I “messed up” when a girl faded away and went cold)
Now things typically take a dramatic turn when she’s fading away AND then another guy comes into the picture.
Maybe she likes him, maybe he likes her… but either way, you worry and you worry A LOT.
Because you’re in “romantic mode” with her and, in your mind, she’s your princess… you get jealous, and as jealousy grabs you by the throat, you get an urge to do SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
That’s when you start trying to make her your girlfriend. So that she becomes ALL YOURS and you don’t have to worry about “losing” her.
Now a problem occurs when this girl starts hanging out with other guys, you get jealous, you get possessive, you start overly texting her because these feelings grab you hard and make you want to reach out.
But if you come from abundance, you are seeing other girls, and you have OPTIONS.
And when you feel like you have options, the way you carry yourself reflect the
behaviors of the guy who gets laid a lot.
In particular, it takes MUCH LONGER for you to catch these “romantic feelings”. So you spend several weeks seeing the woman going on dates that lead to sex, and as you do this, the woman properly falls in love with you.
Now SHE is the one who wants to make things an “official” relationship. She wants to get exclusive and make you her boyfriend.
So she starts saying statements like “So… what is this?”, “Let’s talk about us”,”are you seeing other girls?”
When the girl starts saying something along those lines, that’s how you know she is ready.
Of course, now it’s up to you whether or not to make her you girlfriend. After all, you are a man of abundance dating other women. Maybe you want to keep things how they are. Or maybe you’ve decided that out of the 5 girls you’re seeing, you have a really strong chemistry with one of them and you want to
make her your girlfriend.
You make this decision from a position of abundance.
This is much better than making a decision based on scarcity and trying to jump into a relationship with a girl out of desperation.
There are two ways to conduct yourself: Lover vs. Boyfriend
And there are two paths to go about making a girl your “girlfriend” — the Scarcity route, or the Abundance route:
- You start seeing a woman
- Because you’re in scarcity, you quickly catch romantic feelings for her and start fantasizing about being in a boyfriend-girlfriend “relationship” with her
- You start demonstrating “good boyfriend” traits in an effort to make her
see what a great boyfriend you would be. You’re playing the “boyfriend role”.
- She senses you’re a bit too “serious” about this so in an effort to not hurt your feelings, she becomes distant hoping that you’ll get the hint
- At the same time, you notice she’s also hanging out with other guys, and this makes you jealous
- All of this goes against your fantasy of her being your “one and only”, so it makes you fearful of “losing her”
- In an effort to “get her back” you get the urge to pursue more… resulting in sending more texts, putting in more effort, and playing the “boyfriend” role even more.
- Now she feels smothered, so she fades away even more
- You feel like you need to do something BIG to get her back, so in an effort to make her “all yours” you do the “grand move” to make her your girlfriend and make things “official”
- She might agree, but it’s short-lived because you’re causing her to lose attraction with your behavior
- She soon starts acting distant and disinterested like she doesn’t want to play the “girlfriend role” with you
- Then she tells you it’s better to remain as friends
- Now your mind is rapidly scrambling to come up with “moves” but as you’re making them, you are coming off extremely needy and this makes the woman feel disgusted by you
- So she goes cold and ignores your messages. Maybe she even blocks you on social media
How do you avoid completely falling down the downward spiral?
The fix here is to be “OK” with a non-exclusive “friends with benefits” relationship… and to not be so NEEDY to become an “official” couple.
There will be girls who are naturally attracted to you. A big chunk of getting better with women is to keep those girls attracted simply by not getting so needy.
When you are able to master your “inner game” and become strong emotionally, you can easily keep women attracted to you.
Which brings us to the abundance path…
Abundance Path to Getting a Girlfriend
- You start seeing a woman
- You are also seeing other women too
- You don’t catch romantic feelings with this woman because you have other options
- So you are hesitant to make her your girlfriend…
- You just want to “have fun” right now… the notion of her being your girlfriend doesn’t cross your mind
- You continually set up dates that lead to sex
- She starts wanting “more” because she is becoming more attracted to you
- Lots of women want to be your girlfriend and they vocalize obvious signs to you
- From all these women, you choose the one you really “click” with the most
Now you’ve made her your girlfriend, but coming from the strong position of abundance.
You want her because, compared to the all the other girls you’re seeing, you really feel a strong chemistry with her… not because she’s the only girl giving you attention and you have a fear of losing all you have.