An amazing girl you’ve fallen in love with is suddenly acting distant and uninterested.
You ask why, and she says she wants to slow down the relationship.
The worse part is that you feel there’s another guy involved… and you’re afraid you’re going to lose her to him.
Why is this happening?
The short answer is that she has lost attraction.
And if you keep making the same mistakes, she’ll keep losing attraction… and fade away more and more until you lose her.
But if you make a simple switch in your behavior, you can get her attraction back.
Read on to find out how.
Let’s begin with a question from Mike, who’s experiencing the situation of a girl saying she wants to slow down the relationship.
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Question #1: “She Wants to Slow Down the Relationship”
I met this girl on tinder, we talked a lot and got along really well.
She always insisted that she only wanted fun, we met and we clicked instantly. We called and texted all the time and she said she started feeling things for me.
She says she hasn’t had a relationship for over a year and she still can’t forget that guy who treated her like shit. Now she says she wants to be alone forever, yet she still feels things for that douche.
She lived about 2 hours away from me so we could only meet on weekends because of jobs and college. Our “phone – relationship” got deep very quickly and she started feeling more things for me and she couldn’t wait to see me again. She wanted to have sex too.
She was falling in love, but yet still backing off, saying that she didn’t want any commitment.
Then I asked her out again and we went to a music festival and stayed at a hotel. During that day we had a good yet awkward time, cuz she suddenly behaved a little more distant, the food wasn’t very good, the festival was cool but it wasn’t her cup of tea yet she still enjoyed my company.
Finally she didn’t want to have sex and we only made out, quite reluctantly.
She said to me that she still liked me and everything was fine but she wasn’t ready for a relationship. She said I was really special and explained that she acted in this distant way because she actually felt something, and that if it was just a hookup she wouldn’t have minded.
She said that we got along perfectly, that I understood her like no one else, and that she felt like we would even be a great fit in bed.
She even said she sensed we had sexual chemistry, but said she didnt feel the same relationship-type chemistry that she felt with her ex.
I call bullshit and think she doesn’t want to be vulnerable.
She said we could still stay the same way as before and nothing would change, so we could stay as close friends with benefits but the sex would have to come later on.
She still slept by my side while I hugged her and she let me sleep with my hands on her boobs.
I felt devastated cuz she is such an awesome girl and I want her really bad.
I dont know WTF I can do. I feel like a stupid high school kid even though I’m 26 and she’s 24.
– Mike
My Comments: She Went Distant Because You Got “Serious” too Fast
Hey Mike,
She got distant because you start getting too “serious” and deep… before you even had sex with her.
When you start putting a relationship label on things, and you try turning it into an “official relationship”, then the girl says you are moving too fast. She gets turned off and becomes distant because she isn’t ready.
That’s why getting all “lovey dovey” with your feelings and dropping hints that you want to be her boyfriend is one of these 5 romantic mistakes that kill attraction.
But when you regularly schedule dates with a woman, and you only focus on having fun and hooking up… then her attraction builds over time and she falls head-over-heels in love with you.
At this point, she wants to feel free, have sex, and have fun… but not be caged in a relationship.
So you have to lead the interaction towards the direction of you two being lovers… and not towards the direction of you two being in a “boyfriend-girlfriend serious relationship” role.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be her boyfriend, but the path to get there is by being her LOVER first.
Regularly have fun dates that lead to sex… and allow her to fall in love with you over time. Then when you increase her attraction level so much that she falls in love with you… she will be the one who brings up “getting together”. But let her be the one to bring it up.
You wrote: “She said that we got along perfectly, that I understood her like no one else, and that she felt like we would even be a great fit in bed, she sensed that sexual chemistry but she said she didn’t feel the same relationship-type chemistry that she felt with her ex.”
And I call BS on this too, but for a different reason.
See, women try to come up with reasons and “excuses” as to why they don’t feel attraction for you, and oftentimes they don’t understand why.
In your case, she DID have great sexual chemistry with you, at first. That was the reason she was becoming more and more attracted to you.
However, you then got serious way too fast, and you tried to go for the serious relationship…. and THIS caused her attraction to fade.
Her reason of not having “relationship-type” chemistry is just a rationalization for why she lost attraction.
It’s also a TRAP because by trying to “prove” that you have relationship-type chemistry, you will start acting like the boyfriend, and not like the lover.
What you should do now is go back to being the LOVER. Only focus on having fun with her… but don’t get all romantic and serious with feelings… and don’t try to put a “relationship label” on it!
Because trying to lock her down into a relationship pushes her away. The girl says you are moving too fast, or that she “needs space”.
If you act like the lover over time, she’ll start falling for you and then she’ll start saying things like “so what are we?”.
That’s how you make her your girlfriend.
Watch: “5 Romantic Mistakes That Almost Always Land You in the Friend Zone”
Here is another question from a guy experiencing the situation when a girl says “things are moving too fast”.
Question #2: She Says She Wants to Take a Step Back
Hey Frankie, she had a divorce in January, we hooked up in late July everything was great until last week when she told me we are moving too fast.
Now she says she wants to take a step back. I first agreed but when we saw other we acted like we were together.
Then yesterday I texted her what you advised not accepting being a friend and to contact me if she decides to date.
She got upset and blocked me from all social media and phone told me I did not understand she needed to get over her divorce before she can fully give me her all. I told her she cant have her cake and eat it too. Please help.
– Rudy
My Comments: You Tried to Be Her Boyfriend too Soon
Hey Rudy
The first problem is that you tried to be her boyfriend too soon. You acted like you wanted to be in a serious relationship. The vibe was that you two were “together”…and she wasn’t ready for that.
You likely did something that made her lose her space. Maybe you texted too much, and the texts were over-crowding her, so she felt smothered.
She felt like she was losing her freedom, which is why she said “things were moving too fast.”
I talk about what to do when a girl says she isn’t ready for a relationship in this article here.
Instead of trying to be her boyfriend, you should just aim to be her lover.
Think, “friends with benefits”… with no commitment.
She likes getting physical with you, but when you try to cage her into a relationship, she gets turned off.
Follow these rules:
- Only focus on having fun and arranging dates that lead to sex
- Create a date only about once a week
- 90% of texting should be used to make plans to meet
- Don’t bring up feelings, getting together, or “relationship labels”
- Don’t play the “boyfriend” role, play the “lover” role
Now when she fades away and suggests let’s just be friends you tell her you’re not interested in being friends.
But here’s where you messed up…
The options should not be “relationship or nothing”. You should NOT be aiming for a relationship. That was the mistake.
What you want to suggest is that you’re not interested in anything platonic… but at the same time, you’re not interested in anything “serious”.
Because the way you put it is that she needed to give you her all. She had to give you this big commitment of being your “serious” girlfriend… and that’s why she completely shut down.
Use “The Scrambler” to Re-Attract Her Back
When a relationship starts getting “serious” before the girl’s attraction level
gets high enough… it causes her to lose feelings and fade away.
In particular…
This video reveals 5 Romantic Mistakes that make a girl fade away when you do them too soon.
Now if you’ve already made any of these mistakes… the good news is you can use a sneaky little mind game called The Scrambler to get a woman’s attraction back to how it was before.
Have a look at this video and see what I mean.
