Asking Her to Be Your Girlfriend Too Soon

You have a girl you deeply care about who you’ve been regularly seeing.

She’s giving you strong signs of interest, you’ve been sleeping together, and things seem to be going great…

Until you ruin it by asking her to be your girlfriend too soon… ouch.

If you’re in a similar situation, then this article might be tailor-made for you.

You will read through two specific case studies that deal with this specific situation.

The two case study situations are:

Case study question #1: Girl shows guy obvious signs of interest, but he tries making her his girlfriend too soon. Girl says she’s not ready for a relationship.

Case study question #2: Guy is seeing a girl and regularly sleeping with her. Girl is showing strong signs she wants to be his girlfriend. At one point, guy is in a weak mental state and tries to make the relationship “serious” by saying he sees a future with her. In other words, he “rushed the relationship”. Girl responded by saying she didn’t know if she felt the same way.

As you go through these case studies, you’ll learn:

• What exactly made her attraction fade: Why she faded when you asked her to be your girlfriend, even if in the past she talked about your future together, or even if she said you were “boyfriend material”
• Why her attraction is not “set in stone” and how to influence it
• How to re-attract her, and make things go back to how they were before
• The right way turn a fling into your girlfriend… (and how to make a relationship her idea)

Ok let’s go through the first case-study question in detail.

Question #1: Revealed my feelings but girl said she wasn’t ready for a relationship

Hey Frankie,

I would appreciate your input on this matter.

There’s this girl in my flat that I met this year due to varsity.

We started hanging out together and she showed me various signs of interest.

For example…

She would insist on spending time with me privately, she would touch me playfully when we met at the lounge. One time, she hung out with me in my room and it seemed like she didn’t want to leave (she stayed until midnight).

[Check out the “friend zone test” to determine if a girl likes you]

One day we went out for ice cream and on the way she asked “where is this thing going?”… since she noticed I was making an effort to spend more time with her.

I responded by saying I liked her and I asked her to be my girlfriend. She responded by saying she’s not ready for a relationship and that there’s a guy from her course that is pursuing her.

I’m really confused on what to do because she’s been demonstrating a lot of interest the past month, but now she rejects me?

Can you advice me on this matter?

Thank You.

– Mike

>>>My Comments

Hey Mike,

Looks like you went too fast there.

You went too fast “relationship-wise” trying to put a label on it.

Now I say “relationship-wise” because it’s ok to go fast physically… but in the realm of commitment you should let the woman bring it up first.

Instead of asking her to be your girlfriend, the play was to get her isolated and make a move, not to get her into an official relationship. 

Men often think they must get a girl into a relationship before having sex with her… or before even making a move on her… and that’s just a recipe for failure.

It’s much more effective to have sex with her first. That’ll give her a ton of emotions and she’ll be more likely to want to be your girlfriend.

If before any of that happens, you try to lock her down into a relationship right away… it’ll push her away because she’ll feel like she’s losing her freedom. Right now , this girl doesn’t want anything serious… which is why she said she’s not ready for a relationship.

Now she’s been showing strong signs of interest, which is great. Instead of waiting for more proof that she likes you, it’s better to fool around together but without strings attached… without making it serious… and without trying to put a label on it.

From the looks of it she probably likes you, so I don’t see that as a big rejection at all.

However, asking her to be your girlfriend likely made some of her attraction fade.

Moving forward, remember this: It’s better if a girl thinks you just want to have fun and “bang” than if she thinks you want to get her into a serious relationship.

So the move now is to start hanging out with her again like you were doing before… but without bringing up her feelings for you, without mentioning the relationship label, and without trying to be her boyfriend.

Instead, aim to hang out, have fun, and hookup.

Question #2: Told her my feelings but girl said she only saw us as “friends with benefits”

Hey Frankie,

I’ve been seeing a girl for a month, we were sleeping together, and things were going great.

She would call me almost every day to see me. She would constantly tell me that she loved my personality, my face, my eyes, how generous I was etc. She kept showing me strong signs of attraction.

Unfortunately, this was soon about to change…

One day I was emotionally overwhelmed because of something that happened at work and stupid me went to her.

The mental state I was in made me tell her how much I liked her. I insinuated that I saw a future in us and told her that I deleted tinder off of my phone. 

All these things I was saying made her look confused and it wasn’t good.

After that incident, I didn’t see her for the rest of the week and I felt her growing distant. I called her once to meet but she couldn’t and I was fine with it.

I started to give her space, but she would still text me happy holidays or a video of something she was doing. I responded to her texts but didn’t show any neediness.

At the end of the week she called me and told me that she needed time to think about us and that she didn’t know if she felt the same way I did.

I am 100% sure that it’s bullshit, we had a great time every time we hung out, we talked about anything, we had a real connection, and the sex was great.

I told her this on the phone and said that in my opinion she was trying to stop her feelings towards me and she answered with a yes maybe, then she told me that she saw me more as a “friends with benefits” which is a lie because she said before that I was boyfriend material and she was scared about me using her as a rebound from my ex… so she was definitely thinking about a future together.

I said that I wasn’t interested in a friendship with her and that I would leave her alone and that if she ever changed her mind she should call me and we left it there.

She immediately unfollowed me on Instagram, so I did the same thing but I still see her watching my stories now and then.

I can really see a future with this girl, I want her to come back but I’m scared that because we only dated 1 month (though very intensely) she will forget me during this time or try to push away the feelings she has left of me. I also know that she is afraid of commitment because of her ex.

What is your opinion on this?

With kind regards,
Mitch

>>>My Comments

Hi Mitch,

At first she was attracted to you, but then trying to make the relationship “serious” pushed her away.

Now attraction isn’t “set in stone”… so it can fluctuate.

Meaning, things that happened in the past implies her attraction level only in the past.

When a woman says she likes you or you are boyfriend material, that reflects her feelings only in that moment.

It doesn’t have to be permanent, because her feelings can change.

Trying to get serious and putting a label on a relationship rushes things, crowds her space, and makes her lose her freedom… and her feelings.

That’s why she lost attraction.

Related: She Wants to Slow Down the Relationship – When a Girl Says You Are Moving Too Fast

A much better path is to remain “friends with benefits”, and create regular dates once a week where you hang out, have fun, and hookup… without bringing up labels or feelings. Instead, let the woman bring up relationship labels. Let her bring up bonding and “building a future together”. That’s the feminine department… let her take care of that.

Purely Platonic Friendship vs Friends With Benefits vs Relationship

When a woman breaks a relationship and wants to be just friends, I advise men to say they’re not interested in a purely platonic friendship… and to tell the girl to reach out if she changes her mind.

I write about this here:
https://championsofmen.com/when-your-ex-girlfriend-still-wants-to-be-friends-after-she-dumps-you/

However, the focus should be to go back to the “lover zone” and not the “relationship zone”.

Because if pushing for the relationship label is what made the girl lose attraction… then giving her an ultimatum on getting the label is a terrible idea.

In your case, you were already in a “friends with benefits” situation, which was great!

It wasn’t platonic, yet it wasn’t a serious or “official” relationship either.

To get back what you had before, you have to be ok with a no-strings-attached friends-with-benefits relationship and she has to feel that you’re ok with that.

If she thinks you NEED to be her boyfriend, she won’t get the freedom she wants right now. If she thinks you like her too much and are too serious about becoming her boyfriend, then that’ll push her away because she’s not ready.

How to Make Her Your Official Girlfriend

One thing I like to say is to linger in the “hookup zone”. Linger in the hookup zone enough, and the girl will start getting strong feelings for you that make her want to become your girlfriend. She will start asking questions such as “what are we?”… “where is this going?”…and she’ll be eager to get into a relationship with you…

…but only if you don’t make any of the 7 mistakes that put pressure on her.

What to do Now:

1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook

Click Here to Sign Up to Get This Free eBook By Email, Instantly

2. Learn How to Use the “Ex Factor” to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Take 5 minutes to watch this video that teaches you a few little-known techniques to re-wire your ex’s feelings and make her want you back.