When a girl says she has a lot going on right now…
…that phrase may also be followed by
- “I need space”
- “I feel smothered”
- “We should take a break”
If you had a girl say any of these things to you, you might be confused, wondering what you did wrong.
When hit by this situation, what do most men do? They react by chasing the girl even harder.
But that makes the problem worse.
So before you make another move, stop what you’re doing and read this article all the way to the end.
Table of Contents
Girl Goes Cold…
Your girl has gone cold, and you want her to warm up to you again.
You seek the exact thing to do or say that *fixes* this and makes her eager to spend time with you.
In this article, I go through 3 case studies of students in this same exact situation… and I reveal exactly how to “restore” the attraction when a girl has faded.
You will learn:
- What to do if you feel empty and lonely during no contact with your ex girlfriend
- How to give her the *gift* of missing you
- Why you shouldn’t bring up the “relationship label”
- How to best position yourself to get the relationship back
Ok, let’s start with a question from our good friend Jake.
***Question #1***
My name is Jake and recently I’ve had relationship trouble. My now ex girlfriend dumped me a few days ago.
She told me it was because she felt like I was smothering her. This girl says she has a lot going on right now… so she wants to focus on work and find herself.
While I DO want her back, I’ve already made some of the mistakes you’ve listed in your eBook.
Specifically mistakes 1,3,4,5 and 6 as I didn’t know these were actual mistakes until I found your eBook.
I’m giving her space as I don’t want to completely ruin my chances of getting her back but since I made several mistakes does that decrease my chances anyway?
At the moment since I am single is it perfectly fine to talk with other girls?
I just don’t want to seem like I’m waiting for her and then for her to never come back… but then again I’d feel terrible if I started seeing someone else and my ex wanted me back.
If I’m being honest I never wanted to ever be single again.
I know I’m young and have plenty of time but I don’t like being single and I never feel comfortable being single at all.
I used to talk to my girlfriend every day and now I feel very lonely.
I’m the kind of guy who wants to spend the rest of their life with the girl they love… so I feel very lost.
I hope you have some good advice and thanks for the help so far.
Kind regards,
Jake
>>>My Comments
Hey Jake,
When you’re used to talking to a girl every single day, going through a radio silence of 2 or 3 days seems weird and empty.
It makes you feel like reaching out to fill that void.
In this needy state of mind, you don’t feel comfortable being single… you need the girl to be nice to you and validate you.
This neediness translates into acting in a way that smothers the girl and makes her seek space. (The 7 mistakes from the eBook)
But remember that you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.
And your state of mind needs to “reset” in order for you to be able to do that.
Here’s how you reset…
As you go no contact with the girl, you re-discover how to generate positive emotions on your own, without having a girlfriend around to validate you.
See, you want your self-esteem to survive alone in the wild without training wheels basically.
What do they say in case of cabin pressure loss on an airplane? Put your oxygen mask first, and then help those who depend on you.
Similarly, you must take control of your emotions and be strong on your own, before leading a relationship where you are the man of the house, king of the family.
You can’t love a girl in a way that allows her to feel free if your emotions are too dependent on the girl’s opinion of you. Her freedom would be squashed.
Once you’re able to be both independent and happy, then you’ll create a strong foundation for a future relationship, where you aren’t “codependent” of the girl you’re with.
You won’t cling onto the girl like a leech and make her feel smothered. 12 hours of no contact won’t knock you off balance and make you feel like something is wrong. You’ll feel OK with silence.
You must recondition your mind to not be so dependent on her.
Which is why right now you should also talk to other girls.
So that your mind sees more female options, and isn’t monopolized by thoughts of your ex girlfriend. Do this even if your goal is still to get her back.
See, you want to feel less of a need to have her… because once you’re less dependent on her, you’ll instinctively make less unattractive mistakes from the eBook and this will allow your ex girlfriend to love you again.
After you give your girl enough space and you are stronger on your own… wait for her to reach out… perhaps “out of the blue”… and then you can start talking again.
When this happens, you must not fall into the old patterns of needy behavior, or she will lose attraction and you will fall back on square one.
Ok now let’s move on to question #2.
***Question #2***
My girlfriend broke up with me, and I went no contact rule.
She called me exactly seven days after… and I started talking to her again but not as much.
After two weeks of talking, I asked her if we are still together.
She told me to give her space to get herself back and that she’s not feeling anything for me now.
My question is, am I too fast to ask for the relationship back? Can I still get her back? What can I do?
Or should I start the no contact again…
– Louie
>>>My Comments
Hey Louie, don’t contact her until she reaches out again.
Then when she does, make plans to meet… but don’t ask for the relationship back!
Don’t even talk about the status of the relationship.
Instead of focusing on the “relationship” label, just focus on having fun and hooking up.
If you start asking “are we together yet?” “when are we going to be boyfriend and girlfriend again?” It’ll push her away and she’ll tell you to give her space.
But if you just hang out, have fun, and hookup, without any strings attached… that won’t put pressure on her and that’s how you get her back.
***Question #3***
Hey Frankie, I really need some help. I just read your eBook.
My situation is a little unique and is causing me a ton of anxiety.
Here is my story: We started dating in August and it was absolutely wonderful all throughout the holidays.
I think it went too fast. We talked about getting engaged and having kids etc.
Then gradually she got colder and more distant.
I think I have engaged in needy behavior.
She can’t talk about heavy things at all anymore.
She’s up and down, hot and cold.
More cold than anything, like she is absolutely not interested in me being around.
She makes excuses about not going on trips we were scheduled to go on etc.
I have tried to back off and her texting is terrible.
Usually, I see her every weekend. For the past few months, I’ve learned that she has talked to her friends about wanting a break or breaking up with me.
Last weekend I thought we turned a corner though, she was wonderful and super affectionate.
But then this weekend she was ice cold.
Then I got a text yesterday saying that “we needed to talk.”
She said she feels overwhelmed and smothered.
I suggested we take a three week mini break and she agreed.
Our mini break will happen while she is in Europe, and then when she’s back we will get together to reassess the situation.
I’m terrified. How do I regain this? I need help.
– Kevin
>>>My Comments
Hey Kevin,
Sounds like the relationship got serious way too fast… and from the looks of it, you are well aware of this.
Keys to regain her attraction:
- Only focus on hanging out and having fun when you see her
- Don’t talk about “heavy things”… and no feelings talk
- Don’t even focus on getting the “relationship label” back
- Once she comes back from Europe and your three break is over, don’t even bring up “getting together” or the label of what you two are
- I suggest you don’t even text her until she reaches out first
When you don’t worry about the relationship label, and only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up that’s when you allow her to fall in love with you again.
Remember: “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
But when you NEED to have the certainty that she’s “yours”… you behave in such a way that lowers her attraction for you. Because it crowds her space, she feels like she’s losing her freedom, and that’s when she goes cold on you.
***His Reply***
Thank you so much for responding. So there is some hope here? How sure are you that she will reach out to me at some point? A certainty? Thanks again.
***My Reply***
That she reaches out at all is highly likely. But be prepared to go out several weeks of no contact if need be. How often have you been texting her these past few days and weeks?
***His Reply***
We’ve been dating since August and I text her almost every day. The past few months have been pretty rough and that’s when I noticed her attraction fading.
We haven’t talked since Monday which is when we decided to do a break for three weeks until she got back.
I just want to put myself in the best position to regain her attraction and move forward.
I know I’ve been needy and she feels smothered. The break should help right?
***My Reply***
Absolutely, the break is the actual key to regain the attraction.
Not creating enough space was the big reason she lost attraction.
The fact that you were texting almost every day means there’s no room for her to think about you when you’re away… because you’re not away.
You need to create space so that “mystery” can happen.
When you’re seeing a girl, it’s ideal that you see her around once a week, but then on the days in between dates you create space and keep the texting to a minimum.
Give her the gift of missing you.
Save the interaction for when you see her face to face, use texting primarily to make plans.
But that’s advice for when the girl is already attracted to you and you want to maintain that attraction.
Right now the move you need to make is to regain her attraction. But it turns out this is also the same move you make to move forward and move on in case you don’t get back her attraction.
What to do Now:
1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook
Click Here to Sign Up to Get This Free eBook By Email, Instantly
2. Learn how to use the “Ex Factor” to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back
