Is your girlfriend giving you “hot and cold” behavior?
Your girlfriend’s hot and cold behavior is explained by a cycle.
This cycle can play out multiple times during the course of a relationship… and in this post I’ll try to shine some light into it.
I will clearly explain it to you, so that it “clicks” in your brain.
Below I will go through 2 case studies where a woman goes cold, or breaks up with the guy… but then comes back and things are fine again… only to go cold yet again.
Sometimes a woman goes cold and you lose her forever… so I want to show you how to get her to remain in the “hot” part of the cycle, and not get too “cold” anymore.
Ok let’s begin with the first question.
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Question From a Reader: “Ex Girlfriend Displaying Hot and Cold Behavior”
Hi Frankie,
My ex wants to hangout with me & seems very affectionate when we physically meet.
She kisses me, holds my hand, cuddles with me… etc.
But today she cancelled our date. She said she doesn’t want to have sex, and I didn’t even reply.
In the past, she previously tried to friend zone me as well. How should I handle this?
Thanks,
Bill
My Reply: The Different Stages to Hot and Cold Behavior
Hey Bill, sounds like you’re getting some hot and cold behavior from her.
One day she wants to see you and acts sweet and affectionate.
Another day she acts flaky and always seems to have an excuse.
To fix this, I suggest letting her come to you.
See, a girl’s hot and cold cycle often happens in the following stages:
Stage 1. Girl is eager to see you, which leads to a date that goes great
Stage 2. You hang out a lot and contact her a little too much
Stage 3. Too much contact here causes her to feel smothered and want space
Stage 4. So you decide to take a step back
Stage 1. Now after she gets her space, she feels eager to see you again and you restart the cycle.
Now the fix to avoid stage 2 and 3 is to create space in between dates.
Because the formula to create “mystery” is to spend quality time together, but then create space in between dates.
So when you go home after spending time with her, go back to your life, work on your life purpose, or socialize with other people.
Don’t contact her at all, let her be the one to reach out first.
Let her be the one who feels she can’t wait to see you again.
If you just went out with her the day before, it’ll probably take longer for the girl to miss you and reach out.
During this time, be “ok” with spending several days no contact. Get comfortable with it.
Most guys can’t handle it and they do something to break the space.
But you will act differently. Create space until she’s the one who gets the urge to reach out.
See, we men can fall into a trap when a girl acts warm and affectionate. She makes us feel like her love is guaranteed… which leads us into the trap of contacting her a lot and smothering her.
This then pushes her away and makes us realize that her affection is not, in fact, guaranteed.
Similarly, your girl right now has pulled away (stage 3)… so you must take a step back and wait for her to reach out again (stage 4).
When she does, don’t talk about feelings or relationship labels.
Only focus on fun lighthearted stuff. Hang out, have fun, and hookup.
How Men Make Women Go Permanently Cold (Avoid This)
If a woman pulls away (stage 3)… and you desperately attempt a big move on her instead of giving her space, this can push her away even further and it’ll take longer for the “hot” stage of the cycle to come back (if at all).
This is one of the three traps to avoid when a girl is acting distant.
Question From a Reader: “My Girlfriend’s Hot and Cold Behavior Confuses Me”
Good day Frankie.
My girlfriend has started to act distant the past couple of days.
I asked her yesterday what is wrong and she said nothing is wrong.
And I know something is definitely wrong because this has happened about six months ago when I chased her and she ended up breaking up with me.
She contacted me a couple of weeks later saying she misses me and we got back together.
She called me this morning and we talked as though everything was fine.
But we haven’t spoken ever since and I don’t know what to do.
Hope you can assist.
Kyle
My Reply: Crowding Her Space Makes Her Fade
Hey Kyle,
Reading the 7 dangerous mistakes report is a must.
In the past when your girlfriend went cold, you chased too much and it led to the break up.
This was expected.
Right now your girlfriend is distant again, so don’t chase like you did last time, or she’ll break up with you again.
See, right now she’s at a stage where she’s fading and seeks space. If you crowd her space, she’s going to fade away even more.
Starting IMMEDIATELY, stop asking her “what’s wrong”… and stop bringing up topics about her feelings.
Instead, give her space and go no contact until she reaches out. Let her come to you first.
If you get the urge to contact her, come back and read this email so that it gives you a virtual slap in the face and knocks some sense into you.
Now I bet what you’re thinking… “If I don’t contact her at all, won’t I surely fade away from her mind?”.
That is a common, but false trick our brain plays on us.
Unfortunately, this illusion leads men all over the world to chase fading girls and push them away for good. The potential relationship gets lost forever.
See when a woman pulls away, she is testing your strength.
She wants to know how strong you are.
Trust that giving her space is the prescription when she’s fading, and remain in no contact until she reaches out. (Don’t ignore her if she messages you)
She wants to trust that your masculine core doesn’t bend easily.
So in situations where she pulls back and stops giving you validation, she sees how you’ll react.
Do you stay on your path and barely move… or do you get knocked off balance, act desperate, and bend down like a submissive puppy who wants a pat on the head?
She wants to know you will be strong for her in real emergency situations. She’ll think “If you become weak when a girl stops giving you attention, how could you handle a real crisis?”
Now this all gets easier when you have a purpose in life that keeps your thoughts focused.
Being a Man on Your Purpose
Purpose: Whether it’s your career, your business, a hobby, a passion, a project you’re working on… the science lab in your garage…
It is your purpose, mission, journey, or vision that you work towards in the future.
Whatever it is, it keeps you busy and your thoughts focused.
And women love this.
Women want a guy who’s busy working on something like this.
They want a man on a mission… that they can admire and be inspired by and tag along in their journey.
A purpose keeps your emotions anchored because you just don’t have time to obsess and feel bad when a girl stops giving you attention.
A purpose keeps you naturally busy with shit to do.
When you have a purpose to work towards, your mind isn’t idle. You’re not just sitting there alone with nothing to do… having your mind wander off to overly obsess about the girl you really like.
A purpose keeps this from happening, and it keeps you from texting a girl every single day because you have nothing better to do.
Instead, you naturally create space for her to think about you when you’re away… and it gives her the opportunity to fall in love with you.
What to do Now:
1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook
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