Hooking Up With Ex Girlfriend? How to Get Her Back “Officially”

This article is for you if:

• You are hooking up with an ex girlfriend
• You want to make your relationship official, but aren’t sure how to convince her.
• She sends mixed signals or acts “hot and cold”

In this article I discuss emails from two readers who broke up with their ex girlfriend in the past, but are back in the stage of “hooking up”.

Their ultimate goal is to transition from casually hooking up with their ex girlfriend to being officially together again.

However, whenever they ask the girl about the relationship label, she acts distant and uninterested.

Pay close attention to the next few paragraphs, I have a feeling you’ll really resonate with it.

Question #1: After No Contact, She Began to Miss Me, But Now She’s Hot and Cold

Frankie:

I’m 39 and my girlfriend of 7 years broke things off 2 months ago. Most of those years were spent living together.

Then I did no contact and sought help with a Therapist and various items on the internet such as your manual.

After no contact she began to miss me and we started hooking up again and doing dates.

However, she is still acting “hot and cold” with me through text.

My Therapist has stressed the need for us to attend sessions. So far, my ex girlfriend has not wanted to and continues to point the finger at me. She recently asked how my Therapy was going. I responded fine but that I can’t get much from it unless she attends too. The result of that conversation has her “torn about us and she doesn’t believe I will ever change.”

How do I get her to fight for our relationship back?

Thanks,
Edgar

My Reply: Focus on Fun and Don’t Rush the Relationship

Hey Edgar,

In what way does your girlfriend say she wants you to “change”?

My advice is to only focus on having fun, hooking up, and doing dates…

• without asking her about her feelings
• without trying to convince her to get the “relationship label” back
• without making future plans and treating her like a girlfriend

Her attraction for you is there, but it’s kinda low.

To make it go back up again, start from the beginning and only focus on having fun and hooking up with your ex girlfriend.

When you first start dating a girl, you don’t jump right into a relationship, right? Same thing applies here, because her attraction is low, like when you first met.

Let her be the one who brings up “getting back together” and asking questions about what it all means.

Only do dates about once a week… and in between dates keep your texting minimal.

Creating space is important to rebuild the attraction back up.

As men, we sometimes think that we have to “do more” to raise her attraction level, but that results in crowding her space, and it stops her from regaining feelings for you.

So it’s important to not overtext her and overwhelm her with texts.

When you’re in scarcity and she is everything to you, it will be harder to give her space and you will have the urge to constantly contact her.

But if you focus on yourself, your purpose/passion/career, and you have other things in life besides her, it makes it easier to naturally be busy and not contact her as much.

Which is great, because you save everything for the date, and you make her miss you in between dates.

More: How to Deal With a Hot and Cold Ex Girlfriend

***His Reply***

Frankie:

My ex only texts after I text.

However hooking up is not a problem.

Every time I ask her if she wants to fool around she goes for it.

After each time we go back to no contact unless I initiate.

What the heck is the play here?

My Reply: Hook Up With Your Ex Without Bringing Up Relationship Label Topics

Hey Edgar, the play is to keep having fooling around sessions, no more than once a week, without bringing up relationship label topics, or feelings.

Just have fun and hook up, and let her be the one who brings up the relationship stuff.

So she never initiates contact? Have you gone no contact for more than a week or two?

***His Reply***

Yes no contact about a week until I see the need to hook up.

So then I initiate it.

Anytime I initiate a text there’s no problem with a continuation chain of texts. If I tell her I love her before our time together ends, she says the same.

I might have to just call it quits. I dunno.

My Reply: Stop Saying “I Love You”

Yeah that’s the thing. If you tell her you love her, that’s bringing up relationship stuff.

Keep doing what you’re doing, but without bringing up feelings or saying “I love you”, etc.

That’s the switch you need to make.

As long as you don’t feel the need to rush the relationship label, you’re actually doing very well!

Frankie

In the next case study, Luke is in the absolute best position to get his girlfriend back, but he just doesn’t realize it…

Question #2: Hooking up With Ex Girlfriend, How to Get Her Back?

Hi Frankie

My name is Luke. I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for about 9 years.

She started seeing another guy just before our breakup and they are together now, but after I moved out of our apartment, she still wanted to see me and we had sex few times.

She even texts me that she can’t live without me.

She asked me if we can we stay friends but I said I don’t want to be friends and if she changes her mind she can let me know and we’ll see what we do with it…

I’m trying to stay in no contact with her, but it’s hard cause we still have a lot of financial problems to resolve together.

Another day I asked her does she love the new guy and she said no, she told me that I was her only one true love and she won’t fall for anyone else.

Could you tell me what chances I’ve got to get her back?

Kind regards,
Luke

My Reply: Friends With Benefits Helps You Get Your Ex Back

Hi Luke, the thing is this:

You should avoid being friends with her only if the friendship is purely platonic.

If you’re “friends” but still having sex, then that’s perfect and it puts you on the path to getting her back.

When you interact, it should be either
1. Handling financial things or
2. Good vibes, fun, and being playful.

Don’t ask her about the other guy… don’t ask about getting back together with her…. and don’t ask about her feelings for you.

Your goal is to get her to come over for a fun get-together that can lead to sex.

Frankie

Once again, if you’re hooking up with your ex girlfriend, you’re in the absolute BEST position to successfully get her back (if you choose to pursue it).

Don’t think just because the label isn’t there that something’s wrong.

What to do Next:

1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook

Click Here to Sign Up to Get This Free eBook By Email, Instantly

2. Learn How to Use the “Ex Factor” to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Take 5 minutes to watch this video that teaches you a few little-known techniques to re-wire your ex’s feelings and make her want you back.