What to do When She Pulls Away

Something’s wrong.

Your girlfriend isn’t the same anymore.

The warm texts she used to send have turned into empty one word replies.

She isn’t eager to spend time with you anymore.

She goes out and doesn’t let you know.

It’s like she’s going off on her own… which worries you that she’s spending time with someone else.

If your girlfriend is fading on you, keep reading as I reveal exactly what to do when she pulls away.

Especially if she’s displaying the following strong signs of attraction loss.

Signs Your Girlfriend is Losing Attraction

• She doesn’t initiate texting like before
• When you text her she responds with cold one word responses
• She doesn’t seem eager to hang out with you anymore
• She always seems to have an excuse as to why she can’t hang out
• She no longer talks about your future together
• She doesn’t make plans that include YOU)
• She doesn’t call you by the endearing nickname she gave you

When your girlfriend no longer does any of these things, it makes you concerned.

To analyze this further, I’ll go through case studies of two readers going through this same situation. The fading girlfriends in their stories are even displaying most of the signs detailed above. 

So if you have a similar situation, you’ll want to pay close attention… because my comments and responses to these stories reveal the prescription of what to do.

You will also learn:

• The reason a woman fades away
• The exact steps to turn things around
• Conversation topics to avoid because they turn her off and make her fade
• Why a woman acts “hot and cold”
• How to eliminate the “cold” from that cycle
• How to start dating her again without crowding her space

Ok now let’s start from a question from a reader named Paul.

Question: My on-and-off Girlfriend has Pulled Away 

(my comments in bold)

Hey Frankie,

I have been on and off with my girlfriend for almost a year.

We hooked up on Christmas 2018… and during the first few months she was really into me telling me she’s never felt like this and wants my babies etc!

Around the end of May 2019 I was constantly complimenting her, telling her how beautiful she was, telling her she’s
perfect etc.

After being overly affectionate with her, she then acted a little weird and got distant the next day.

(Of course she did, women pull away when you crowd their space)

When I asked her why she was quiet, she said that I was also quiet.

The following day she opened up more about why she was distant.

She said “So I’m sure you’re aware that I haven’t really been myself recently. I think I just need some time alone. If I’m honest, I feel a little overwhelmed and crowded at times when I’m with you. I really enjoy spending time with you, it’s super easy and we enjoy the same things but I’m not sure I see it on a romantic level anymore. I’d like to have a bit of space to have a think about what’s best. I hope you understand.”

I replied with “ok I understand I’ll give you the space you need and we can talk when you feel ready no pressure.”

14 days later she reached out and was more eager to talk.

(You gave her space, causing her to be more eager to see you… she now goes back to the hot part of the “hot and cold” cycle)

I said we should hang out and she agreed. I went to her house, we cooked, and I never mentioned the relationship or feelings or what went wrong. Then we hooked up, had sex, and the next day she was messaging again like normal!

(Nice! 100% perfect execution)

We planned to meet again the following weekend… but she cancelled the night before, saying she was depressed and didn’t know what to do with her life.

So she went away again.

Fast forward to several months later on August 2019, she came back and we started hanging out again.

However, we weren’t having sex as much. I would have to massage her or something to get her to give in for sex.

Anyways at some point during November 2019, she told me she was feeling down again and wasn’t sure what to do then somehow got back on track by taking marijuana every night.

At some point she got high 3 nights in a row, and had a bad high on and then the following day said she felt ill so I said I would come over and cook for her and hang out. But she said she didn’t feel like it and was already in bed so I left it.

(The “hot” is over, she has gone back to being “cold”. She isn’t eager to see you and coming up with excuses. The reasons she gives here are B.S. The real reason is she doesn’t feel attracted like before)

I didn’t hear nothing from her the following day so I messaged her during the evening.

(Stop pursuing man…)

During this time, her replies started taking longer than normal.

So I eventually said “let’s hang out” she said she didn’t want to and that it was so cold… so I suggested coming over
and cooking dinner.

(Last time you gave her space, she came back. If you keep chasing hoping to get back at her fading attention, you’ll keep crowding her space and push her away even more)

She said she wanted to be alone. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, was in a foul mood, and didn’t know why.

So I said I would give her space and that she could talk to me about anything.

She said when she felt better we could sit down and have a proper chat so I agreed.

(Uh oh… here comes the talk)

A week later, she asked to meet up and here’s the gut wrenching thing she said”

“I can’t be in a relationship right now. I don’t feel well and I need to focus on myself… it’s not fair to you when I don’t talk to you for weeks and I don’t want to have to check in with you or have to say where I am, etc.”

I said ok fine when u feel better can we have another go. Then she said she didn’t know how she was going to feel and she didn’t want to get my hopes up.

She still wanted to hang out as normal and talk like before. Nothing would change we would just not be in a relationship.

(If she still wants to hang out and hook up like before, then that is great. The problem is when you get focused on “locking down” the relationship label and you text her too much in between dates… this smothers her and makes her lose interest. You must create space in between dates and let her come to you)

So I asked her “do you love me ?” She said “yes! Of course I do we like the same things and have a good time hanging out together etc.” (bare in mind we haven’t had sex in 5 weeks. She would always be on her period or tired)

(Acting like the woman here seeking to know where you stand with her)

So I suggested going on a break. I left her and said to message me.

18 days later she messaged me asking how my Christmas was. We spoke for a bit while she was at work, until the conversation went dry.

(That was good allowing her to come to you. But then when she reached out, you should have gotten straight to the point and made a date. Instead you got into a pointless conversation that went nowhere until she got bored.)

Now I left it alone for a month. Then I reached out and messaged her saying hey how are you? She spoke a bit but was kind of brief with me.

She mentioned the money was almost through for the mortgage and she had a meeting to go to right now so I said cool I’m going for a run message me after your meeting if you like. She didn’t contact me at all.

I left it for 2 days, and then I messaged her asking if she was free Sunday so we can go for a coffee. She replied saying she wasn’t free sorry (not even suggesting another day or giving a reason).

(A little late there. 1. You should have gone for the meet as soon as she reached out during Christmas and 2. Much better to go for a meet in the evening… or best, invite her over to your place)

I then asked if I could call her that evening. She said maybe later in the week.

I told her she could talk to me about anything thinking she might be depressed she was really stand offish and completely avoiding me for days.

(You have to reciprocate and mirror what she is doing. If she isn’t eager to talk to you, pull back and let her come to you. Doing “more” as an attempt to get the attention of a fading girl pushes her away even more)

Fast forward to yesterday, she called me and we spoke. I asked how she felt, and she said she doesn’t feel anything anymore and she doesn’t want to be in relationship she wants to focus on herself in the gym and build her body. She’s working on herself.

(Don’t talk about feelings, relationship labels, or any serious relationship topic. Keep it fun, light, and flirty. You want her to associate you with fun, jokes, and hooking up. You  don’t want her to think “oh geez now I have to talk to him about my feelings again”. Asking her about her feelings and trying to “solve” them doesn’t increase her attraction level. Getting into fun and flirty interactions does… but only when she’s eager to talk. If she’s pulling away you’ve got to stop messaging her and let her come to you)

I then told her how I felt we had a good thing and got on great. We liked the same things and all that.

(Here you are using logic to try to increase her feelings. “Look how alike we are, why don’t you stay with me pretty please?!” It doesn’t matter how the relationship looks on paper and whether you’re a great guy or not… her FEELINGS are what matter here. Attraction is emotional, not logical)

She said she didn’t think so, that we did have some good things but only when she wasn’t being moody with me.

(When they don’t feel the spark, women find reasons to not be with you. Everything gets interpreted that way.

When women do feel attraction, they find any reason to be with you. They ignore that you’re not her “type”… or they ignore that you’re supposedly too old, or too young for her. They overlook imperfections in you, they climb over mountains, they join you on bank heists… etc.)

Related: “Girlfriend Lost Feelings and Doesn’t Know Why”

I was always letting her lead and treading on eggshells around her trying not to upset her. She would always be the one suggesting places to go. She once told me how she was sick of planning everything (so then I started planning more).

(Mistake #4 in the 8 relationship mistakes article is “letting her lead and becoming a follower” (i.e. letting her plan date nights). As a man, you must take the lead, and keep courting her. Keep taking her out on dates and make sure YOU are the one who makes the arrangements. Find ways to keep things fresh, to keep her guessing and surprise her)

I again asked her if she loved me she said she didn’t know how she felt but she didn’t want to take things slow or
try because she definitely knows she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone period.

I said “even if you met a hunky guy in the gym?” She said no one full stop. She is not interested at all even in hooking up with someone.

She wanted to be friends so I agreed we could. I told her I do love her but we can still hang out and be friends.

I asked her how long has she felt that she doesn’t want a relationship, and she said for a couple of months.

That is the month I gave her space. Maybe she though I wasn’t interested anymore and I guess forced herself to get over me maybe who knows.

I’m meeting her Sunday again. What do I do? I’m heartbroken I love her so much she’s my dream girl she’s gorgeous too please help Frankie asap.

Kind regards,
Paul

P.S. The worst thing is that I even asked her what I did to change her mind… and if I did something wrong to put her off. She said no one’s ever asked her that before… and that it’s weird that I’m the first to ask it, and then she laughed it off.

My Reply: Give Her Space During the “Cold” Part of the “Hot and Cold” Cycle

Hey Paul,

The most important thing right now is to give her space.

It’s also the way to getting her back… but only if you adhere to the plan.

See, this hot and cold cycle has happened before in the past.

She started being super into you. Then she got overwhelmed by all the attention you gave her… so she sought space.

Then after you gave her that space and she warmed up again! So much that she mentioned having babies with you.

When a girl is into you, she talks about your future together, she is eager to talk to you, everything is great.

However, if you text her way too much and the relationship gets all serious and heavy… she starts feeling smothered and pulls away.

This time around when she went cold (during this past month), you didn’t give her that space. Instead, you kept pursuing…

• by asking to meet up
• by messaging her
• by asking her about her feelings
• by bringing up your concerns that she’ll leave you for another guy (even if you just hint at it, it’s bad enough)
• by asking her for a logical reason on why she is distant

The real reason she pulled away is attraction loss… and she needs space to be able to fall in love again.

If you give her that space, you create a chance for that to happen, and she may once again warm up to you.

So right now start going no contact, and let her reach out first. Let her come to you and make sure she is eager to talk before going for the date.

Then once you are dating again, make sure you keep the dates at only once a week, and that you text at a minimum in between dates. Too much contact every single day kills the mystery causing the girl to seek space because she doesn’t feel the spark as much. So be careful with that!

Question: Girlfriend Isn’t Eager to Talk to Me Like Before

Hey Frankie I need some help.

It’s about to be two months since we first started dating… and at first my girlfriend would always text me, call me, talk to me — even if there was no topic…

But now it has all changed. She has changed and she doesn’t call me and whenever I call she says she can’t talk right now or she’s with her family.

Even when she’s online she replies only late at night.

Also when we chat and I ask her the usual things like “did you have your dinner”… “how was your day”… “what are you doing and all”… she replies coldly.

I love her and I know it’s not just attraction… I really love her and I want her to be like before.

I want a good relationship and I want her please tell me what I should do.

I want to be with her but not this way.

I don’t know what I want anymore I want her but I don’t want this shit.

Help me dude tell me what to do.

Please I am in desperate need of help please do reply you’re my last hope.

Sully

My Reply: Less is More. Crowding Her Space Makes Her Feel Smothered

Hey Sully…

It’s a worrisome moment in a relationship when your girlfriend goes distant and you feel like you’re going to lose her.

If you keep doing what most guys do, you will lose her.

But if you fix your mistakes… you can get her back.

Specifically, the mistakes I cover in my 7 Dangerous Mistakes report.

If you want to re-attract her again, the key right now is to give her space.

You might think you need to text her more and do more “stuff” or “romantic things” to get her attention back… but this is wrong.

Why? Because what she needs is space and crowding her space only smothers her away.

Instead, sit back and wait for her to contact you first. Let her come to you.

Of course, you might panic and feel like you have to text her if she hasn’t texted you in several days.

You’ll get the feeling that if you don’t text her, you’ll fade away from her mind forever.

This is a common concern guys have, but trust me, what your girlfriend needs right now is space. Smothering a distant girl with calls and text messages is the final blow that makes her attraction completely disappear.

How Pressure to Fulfill Her “Girlfriend Duties” Makes Her Pull Away

You write, “Also when we chat and I ask her the usual things like “did you have your dinner”… “how was your day”… “what are you doing and all”… she replies coldly.”

One huge thing that I notice here is this pattern of interaction of you asking her these questions to check in with her.

These questions about whether she ate or what she’s doing are typical questions your mother will ask you…. and if she’s getting them from you, it can cause her to feel smothered.

She will feel the pressure of having to fulfill her “girlfriend duties” and check in with you by telling you where she’s at and who she’s with.

This will make her feel like she’s losing her freedom… which makes her lose attraction.

Hence why *the no contact rule* must be implemented to create space.

The Hot and Cold Cycle

Girlfriends in the stories above display hot and cold behavior.

Oftentimes, the girls fall into a hot and cold cycle.

Stage 1: Things are great, she’s attracted, you are dating

Stage 2: You hang out a lot, you text her a little too much, and it starts to smother her space

Stage 3: All this smothering makes her feel overwhelmed and she starts losing attraction

Stage 4: You decide to pull back and create space

Stage 1: Now that she got space, she warms up again and is eager to hang out like before

Here’s a more detailed explanation of your girlfriend’s hot and cold behavior

To Get Her Attracted Like Before and Return to Stage 1…

Don’t make the following mistakes:

• Thinking you have to be “more romantic” to fix the problem
• Asking her “what’s wrong”
• Asking her if there’s someone else
• Getting jealous, acting possessive and controlling
• Crowding her space
• Overwhelming her with texts smothering her attraction away

Do give her space. Space is the key. Use space to create mystery.

Yes I can already tell what you’re thinking…

You’re afraid giving her space will make you fade more in her brain… and that she’ll forget you forever.

This is the biggest concern guys have.

But it’s a false concern your brain creates that gets you into trouble.

Your brain instinctively wants you to pursue her more. It wants you to CHASE CHASE CHASE.

It ends up being a big trap that completely smothers her attraction away.

You must have faith that if there’s an ounce of attraction left in her, then she’ll come back to you. If she doesn’t, it’s beyond your control, and you must only focus on what you can control.

What to do Now:

1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook

Click Here to Sign Up to Get This Free eBook By Email, Instantly

2. Learn How to Use the “Ex Factor” to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Take 5 minutes to watch this video that teaches you a few little-known techniques to re-wire your ex’s feelings and make her want you back.