What to do When Your Girlfriend Breaks Up With You

The love of your life isn’t interested anymore.

She has gone from sweet and caring, to cold and distant.

The connection you once had is all but dead.

You fear that you’ll lose her forever… and worse… that she’ll find someone else.

It can be distressing when your girlfriend breaks up with you.

As you sit there hurt and confused, your mind starts plotting possible moves to get her back.

You feel you have to try everything possible to get her back. She means so much to you, and you don’t want to regret not trying.

So you search for help… and that lands you on this page.

This article guides you through an action plan that helps you come back stronger than ever.

Treat it as your kickstart to recovery… equipped with the tools that aim to re-attract her back.

Focus on What You Can Control

When your girlfriend breaks up with you, the two aims are: Recovery and Re-Attraction.

While recovery is 100% in your control, re-attraction is not.

The good news is that the thing you do to recover and “move on” is the same thing that maximizes your chances of getting her back.

Going no contact and walking away (unless she reaches back), is what you do to move on (I’ll explain more later)… and it’s also what you do if you want her back.

The 3 Basic Steps to Take When Your Girlfriend Breaks Up With You

What to do when your girlfriend breaks up with you?

First, I’ll give you the 3 steps quickly.

1. Control your impulses and don’t send desperate texts, nor commit needy mistakes that turn her off.

2. Don’t accept being platonic friends, but also don’t push for relationship label (More of that in a bit)

3. Walk away and go no contact… until she reaches out

Now that I’ve stated “what to do” in general terms, it’s time to be more specific so you can better understand them.

Soon I will go through three questions from students going through similar breakups.

In my replies, I explain the details of those three steps above.

I also  address specific challenges you may have in your breakup.

Such as…

• What to do and say during the moment when she breaks up with you
• The challenges of going no contact
• How to recover from the breakup and “feel better” again by re-learning to generate positive emotions on your own
• How your breakup can plant the seed for massive success in the future (case study)

As you read through this article, you’ll notice that I repeat some of the advice that I give. This repetition will hopefully ingrain the principles in your mind (Repetition is the mother of skill).

Ok let’s start with the first question.

Question From a Reader: I made all “7 dangerous mistakes” and my ex left me and blocked me

Hello I read the 7 dangerous mistakes report and I’ve made them all.

I realized everything I’ve done and don’t want to lose her.

What can I do now that I have contacted her and wrote her a letter? I did everything I shouldn’t have.

She went to our counselor yesterday and told him everything I did.

I tried to fix our problems, but ended up smothering her by texting her , writing letters, etc.

It’s been only over a week and our counselor told me to stop contacting her.

She agreed to come back to see him. She told him she loved me but said “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now I need to fix myself and put my kids first”.

She told him I smothered her and everything you said not to do.

I haven’t texted or called her but once a day for the last week. What should I do now?

I just went to gym and she went too. As I was walking up to door she saw me, I waved and she drove off and left.

When I was done I texted her and said I just left and sorry I didn’t know she was going to be there cause I even changed times to avoid her and told her I missed and loved her.

She didn’t answer any of those texts.

She unfriended me on Facebook and her best friend blocked me too.

I don’t know what to do next. I could stop, but I don’t wanna lose her again. Please help.

Steve

My Reply: Go 100% no contact, let go, and learn to be happy again

Hey Steve,

You need to go no contact. And I mean 100% no contact.

That means no Facebook messages, no looking at Instagram/Snapchat statuses, no trying to “accidentally” bump into her at the gym… nothing at all. Even on birthdays and holidays, don’t send anything. Go completely no contact until she reaches out again.

Now you think that you’ll lose her if you stop contacting her.

This is why you fear “letting go”.

You fear that she’ll forget you and never contact you again if you let her go.

But the main reason she lost attraction for you is that you kept contacting her… it’s because you failed to let go.

See, women at some point pull back to “test” your strength. If you fail the test, she fades even more… but if you pass, she comes back and the relationship grows stronger than ever.

When she pulls away, you must stay put and remain on your path. Resist the temptation to chase.

Texting her once a day is still way too much… even if it seems like you’re creating space from your perspective. Like maybe you reduced your text output by 80%. But that’s still not enough. You need to go 100% no contact.

No contacting her at all will feel strange if you’re used to texting her every single day.

You don’t think you can function without her validation. Your mind goes crazy and don’t know what to do with yourself.

But to give yourself the best chance of getting her back, you need to truly go no contact.

Be prepared to go several days and even several of weeks without hearing from her.

When she reaches out again, follow the plan of action here.

Now let’s say that it’s the future… and she contacts you out of the blue and seems eager to hear from you.

Here you assume she wants to see you and arrange a get together where you only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.

As Coach Corey Wayne says: “What is the purpose of a date? To create a fun-filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen.”

However, and here’s the most important part: Don’t try to get the relationship back.

Meaning…

• Don’t try to get the “relationship label back”
• Don’t bring up feelings, or say sorry
• Don’t try to be her boyfriend again

Only focus on fun.

Then after the date don’t text her again until she reaches out again. When she does, arrange another date… but only make them once a week.

Right now though, keep going no contact and focus on yourself.

Related: Already hooking up with your ex girlfriend? This article shows you how to make her official again.

In the next Q&A, the focus is on valuing yourself and learning to feel good again.

Question From a Reader: I sacrificed so much for my ex, yet she did nothing for me. How can I recover and start afresh?

Hello Frankie how you doing, I got few questions.

I’m moving on since I notice I sacrificed too much for ex, yet she did nothing for me.

So my question is how I can start fresh? How to have energy to focus on my life and change myself to be a better man? Any tips on how to be happy again?

Thanks in advance,
Walt

My Reply: Recovery takes time. Re-learn to be happy without the girl giving you “external validation”.

Learning to be happy again is something that happens with time.

It’s all about re-learning to create positive emotions on your own without a girl giving you external validation.

For the past several month you’ve been used to receiving texts from her every day, and now all of a sudden that’s gone… and it leaves a large emptiness in your life. [Discover 3 Reasons She Suddenly Lost Interest]

Her texts and the attention she gave you played a big role in the positive feelings you felt… now there’s a big hole in your day-to-day experience.

Now that hole needs to be patched up… either with something else, or by growing and re-learning to generate positive emotions on your OWN.

See, if you’re currently feeling a void because a girl is no longer in your reality, then that means you were dependent on her to get those emotions.

Now that she’s gone, you are in pain and uncomfortable. But one positive aspect of your breakup is that it throws you out of your comfort zone and into the fire… which motivates you to grow.

Evolution can only happen outside your comfort zone.

What are some practical steps to get you started? Going through the motions helps.

Even if you don’t feel like going out with friends, socializing, and meeting new women, going through the motions is important to get you in the groove.

The trick to getting motivated is you first do the action, and then you get motivated because you did it. Only focus on the action that you need to do, even if you aren’t in the right mindset to do it.

After doing the action, your mindset changes. Motion creates emotion.

Now I realize this is hard to do in the middle of pandemic.  But keep it in mind once cases go down.

RECAP:

1. Re-learn to generate positive emotions on your own (becoming happy on your own) and

2. Start seeing a world filled with female options. Since you might not be able to meet them, perhaps talk to more women through social media, or through online dating to work on this mindset.

“Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache, carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit” – Napoleon Hill

With that in mind, the next email exchange demonstrates the power of student whose life made a HUGE turnaround after his breakup (just wait ill you read his second and third email).

Question From a Reader: Worried and Confused: Girlfriend has gone COLD on me for no reason. How much space should I give her?

Thank you so much for your work in the “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook.

I have an interesting spin on this… I am trying to fix an issue with my girlfriend (not an ex) as she has gone cold on me for no reason.

I was never too clingy, I always let her contact me first and whenever we met, I would always lead the interaction.

Everything was going well until about 2 weeks ago… when she stopped contacting me.

I think she has been really busy with work, but I texted her 2 weeks ago, and she didn’t reply. In fact, she hasn’t replied since.

I have NOT double texted but I am worried and confused. How long will this take?

How much space is normal before I have to find someone else? I know I should stay grounded on my mission/studies and generally I am. But this is now beginning to affect me because she was never like this before.

Please help anyway you can,

You are a life saver.

Jim

My Reply: Keep giving her space. Err on the side of giving her too much space

Hey Jim,

You’re welcome. I assume you already read this article since it’s how you got into my email list. It’s important to read it again because it’s perfect for your case.

My suggestion is to keep going no contact until she comes to you and contacts you again.

I’ll explain why.

See, one thing I notice again and again is that women tend to fade at some point in a relationship… even if you do everything correctly.

When a woman is overwhelmed with too many emotions to deal with in life… like family, school, or work… she’ll want space to sort those things out.

However, the “duties” of being in a relationship with you can crowd that space, so she will want a break from that.

Especially if you’re used to texting her every single day. If she feels that she has to do that to keep you happy… then she will feel caged. She will feel trapped by the pressure of having to commit to you… so she takes a step back and gets distant.

This is a delicate point in a relationship that throws most guys “off balance”.

Because if you overpursue the girl through text to bring her back, or if you show her you’re concerned about her distance…

…she’ll get even more overwhelmed by your needs, she’ll lose attraction, and she’ll say things like “let’s take a break” or “I need space right now”.

OK, think of it like this chart:

​

Right now she is on the part of that graph where she is going away from you. If you stay on your path and don’t chase, the distance creates attraction… and it makes her want to come back to your stable masculine path.

Like this:

However, if you chase her around, you close that distance before she is ready, and she loses attraction.

As shown here:

That’s why you should keep doing what you’re doing and stay in no contact.

Have faith in this. We guys get the urge to “do something” in this situation, so we pursue and go towards the woman to get her to engage. However, just know that “not chasing” won’t be the cause of her attraction loss… it’s “chasing” that causes them to lose attraction.

Frankie

His Reply: She reached out to me after following your advice to the T… but she doesn’t feel passion for me anymore.

Hey Frankie!

Followed your advice to the T and she reached out to me. The bad news is she asked if she could see me less frequently than we already do (because she had lost attraction for me).

She told me that she didn’t feel as passionate about me anymore.

I realize that this was because I had stopped being the strong and confident guy I used to be due the bad life circumstances happening to me towards the end of the year. I had become very needy, weak, insecure, and too nice.

When she said she didn’t feel as passionate… I had never been more scared in my life to hear those words from her. She told me the notorious “It’s not that I don’t want you in my life” line to which I remained calm and told her that I would give her as much space as she needed. I didn’t plead with her or cry or beg.

She seemed very surprised that I understood then we made out and I soon left her apartment to go home.

I started going no contact on her as soon as I got home and have been working on my weaknesses ever since.

I feel fantastic because I had forgotten who I was with her. All the projects I had are now all in full swing and I am back in the gym working out.

She sent me a message 5 days into no contact telling me how much I meant to her and what she was up to. I responded with a one liner wishing her well as I was busy and she hasn’t responded (yet) for 3 days.

Question is: How do I proceed from here? What if I am coming on as too cold or if she decides that she suddenly doesn’t want me. Honestly, I’m scared of the outcome.

Thanks and keep up the good work!

Jim

My Reply: You’ll feel the urge to reach out… but instead focus on yourself, on your projects, and exercise

Hey Jim,

Right now you’ll get the urge to reach out, because you miss her, or some part of you feels that you have to “do something” to reach out at her to get her attraction back.

And you might fear that if you don’t contact her, then you’re being too cold. However, the more likely mistake is chasing too much.

I mean, you can never be 100% sure of how you’re coming off, but you want to err on the side of being slightly too cold, because when you’re in a cloud of emotions, your perception of what you’re doing is distorted. When it seems like you’re being too cold, it’s probably just normal.

The bottom line is that pursuing her isn’t what gets her to feel differently about you. What gives you the best chance to re-attract her again is to stop the behaviors of chasing her, focus on yourself, kick ass on your projects, get in shape, meet other women, and remember who you are — get back in the flow of your confident character.

His Reply (4 Months Later): After she dumped me my life made a HUGE turnaround!

Hey Frankie I don’t know if you remember me but I am the guy who originally wrote about not hearing from my gf at the time for 2 weeks and then her telling me that she wanted to see me less.

Update on that situation? She did dump me 2 weeks after that event with some bullshit text message that made no sense.

She gave me the “lets just be friends” speech and I told her that I am not interested and that she should contact me if she changes her mind.

I never cried, begged or pleaded because I value myself too much… and then I went no contact…

Fast forward 4 months later and life has made a HUGE turn around.

I am now heavily invested in my purpose and mission as a man, revived old projects that I didn’t complete because I spent too much time with her, started developing new open source software, finally decided to make a side career in music just after 3 years of playing guitar, played live gigs for the first time (have no music knowledge but releasing my new album soon which is professionally recorded because I got in touch with a producer who loved what I was doing.

Got verified on Spotify as a result), Got a new job and about to get another one, finally getting a motorcycle license after 3 years of wanting that (wanted it when I graduated from high school but now 3 years later it was all worth it)…

I’ve been going on dates and hearing from friends who I haven’t heard from in years telling me that they now “look up to me”. All of this has been happening while I’m studying.

None of this was happening when I was with her and now that I look back at the breakup, it was a blessing in disguise.

Have I heard from her? Nope Do I care? NOPE! Would be great but in my heart I know that whether she is here or not, I will still be happy with myself and remain focused on the mission at hand.

For me this is a success that I attribute to your teachings.

Thanks man!

My Reply: Awesome!

Dude you are kicking ass!

Thanks for that email, I really enjoyed reading it and it makes me happy that you’re doing great.

All the best,
Frankie

What to Do Now

Well if you’ve read this far in this super long 3000+ word article…

Then 1. you found this content valuable, and 2. you are experiencing a breakup and suffering similar problems as what I wrote above.

When your girlfriend breaks up with you, it lights a fire under your ass that makes you motivated to learn more about women and dating.

If you are feeling this right now, and you want to speed up your emotional recovery, and maximize your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back… then I have a FREE eBook you can read.

It’s called the “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back”.

Go here to sign up to get it, and you’ll also subscribe to my email mini-course that guides you through this ordeal.

Related Articles

If you have other questions that don’t get answered in this article,

You can View my articles organized by topic here.

Which includes topics like…

• should you still be friends after the breakup?
• when your ex girlfriend reaches out after a long time of no contact
• signs your girlfriend doesn’t love you anymore
• why is she acting distant all of a sudden – 3 traps to avoid
• 8 relationship mistakes that make your girlfriend leave you