“Getting into ‘serious relationship mode’ too soon activates a girl’s natural reaction to become distant, as it makes her feel like she’s losing her freedom…”
You’ve hit it off with an amazing woman you really like.
You go out together, the sex is great, and you even talk about your future together.
You feel things are really going great!
But then she drops the bombshell…
She wants to date other guys as well.
Why does she feel this way?… and how do you get things back to how they were before?
When a girl is not ready to commit exclusively to you, how you react is the KEY to winning her back.
In this article I’ll reveal what to say and the proper way to handle this.
Let’s start off with a question from our good friend James. James has a girl who is not ready to commit exclusively with him.
I suggest that you pay attention to the following email exchange because when a girl starts fading away, most men do the WRONG thing.
(I hope you’re not making the same big mistake most men make)
***Question***
She Wants to Date Other Guys
I was dating a girl and everything was going great, had sex a few times she was actually pursuing me.
Then I found out she was out with a guy and told her I wasn’t cool with her dating other guys.
Anywho, I told her I was done and hope she enjoyed her friend, she responded that she was not ready to commit exclusively to me as we have been dating only a month.
Anyhow would love to get your help on this, need an external perspective.
I cut off contact on Thursday waiting to see if she responds. What do you think?
– James
>>>My Reply
Hey James
When a girl is not ready to commit exclusively to you, it’s a sign things got too “serious” a little too fast.
When you try to lock a girl down as your committed exclusive girlfriend too soon, it pushes her away and she loses attraction.
That’s what happened here.
See, when you first start seeing a girl, your focus should only be to hang out, have fun, and hook up without being needy about having her as your “official” girlfriend.
That means the relationship isn’t exclusive, and both of you can see other people.
In your case, this girl is clearly not ready for a relationship, but she wants to have fun. She wants to date other guys… but she is also down to have sex with you!
All as long as you don’t get needy or jealous…
Because you tried to cage her down into something more serious and exclusive, it pushed her away.
If you want her back, you’ll have to be ok with both of you seeing other people.
How to make her exclusive?
Only after several weeks of regularly seeing each other, when her attraction gets high enough, she’ll be the one wanting exclusivity and asking questions about “us” and “so… what are we?”
But let the woman be the one to bring up “getting together” exclusively.
And in the mean time, I suggest you also talk to other girls.
Some further material: When a Girl Says She’s Not Ready For a Relationship
***His Reply
Hey Frankie, here are more details.
When I first met her we hit it off. By the second date, we were in my bed making out but she stopped when I tried to get sexual. Same thing happened on the third and fourth date.
We finally started having sex on the 5th date and then things REALLY took off from there.
We started going for runs together, we started going to dinner, coffee dates, she invited me to travel with her to another country..
A LOT of sex was going on.
Also, she started staying over at my house constantly, and I stayed over at her house too.
I live on my own in a huge house and she started helping me decorate. We went shopping for curtains, and candles, etc… because she wanted to make it more romantic… and she started talking about how she wanted me to come meet her family out of state.
The whole thing really took off between us! I really felt things were going great…
However, on thursday last week I didnt hear from her throughout the whole day, until the evening.
Suddenly, I felt something was wrong…
So I asked her what she was doing…
And she told me she was “with a friend”.
Naturally, when she told me this I got jealous and texted her that I wasnt going to be able to do this anymore… that I wasn’t ok with her seeing other guys if she was fucking me, and that’s how it went.
She said she had been honest with me when she said that she wanted to meet other people, because she wants to discover what she wants in life. So I bid her farewell.
This was last week and we hadn’t talked until yesterday when we talked aagain.
I asked her what had happened with us, because it seemed like the whole thing did a dramatic 180 turnaround.
She then told me that she had rushed things.
With all that was going on in her life… she didnt feel like she was ready to
jump into an exclusive relationship.
She also told me she didn’t really want to do sex anymore… because she didn’t feel ready for it. And she told me she needed me as a friend.
I do believe she is going through a lot of shit, but if she is so closed about sex why does she want to still see other people?
I honestly dont know what to do. I really like her, I want to be there for her, and maybe I’m just selfish, but I also want things to go back to how they were before…
I would appreciate your input man, I think she is worth fighting for but how do I do this when she just friendzoned me and all this is going on?
>>>My Reply
Hey James,
“If she is so closed about sex why does she want to still see other people?”
Exactly. Her behavior is what matters, take what she “says” with a grain of salt.
If you want to get back to having sex with her, you’ll have to do what you did before, but without being attached to wanting more or a “relationship label”.
When a girl is not ready to commit exclusively to you, it’s because she wants freedom.
See, she’s at a stage in her life where she wants to be free… and that can mean seeing other people.
Things between you two DID seem to escalate to “relationship level”
Like…
- going for runs together
- going to dinner
- coffee dates
- she invited you to travel with her
- stayed in each others’ houses
- she helped you decorate
- went shopping for curtains, candles, etc… to make things romantic
- talked about the future and about meeting her family
All these things: Romantic talk, going to dinner, running together, traveling together, cooperating together in building a romantic love nest, talking about meeting her family…
All these things, when taken together, are in serious relationship category.
BUT… she then felt overwhelmed by the relationship getting “serious” too fast (plus all the stuff going on in her life)… so she wanted space.
Women can do this often. One week they are hot, then they go cold… and if you chase when they go cold, you push them away.
So let’s say you do what you did before and you start hooking up again.
This time take the relationship romantic aspect slow.
Let HER be the one to bring up the commitment or the lovey dovey relationship stuff.
If you only focus on having fun and hooking up, and your attitude is that you’re just looking for “fun”… then she’ll gain attraction overtime and will want to get more romantic over time.
But if you ask things like “what happened with us?” Or if you get jealous about others, it pushes her away because it crowds the space she seeks.
Right now I also recommend also seeing other girls. It might sound counter-intuitive, but it helps your chances of getting back the attraction of this girl.
See because you want to aim for the player “LOVER” zone… instead of trying to do “boyfriend” stuff.
Now having a “player” reputation isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’m talking about acting like a player without being a jerk. Having “player qualities” will actually help you in this situation.
Because the typical player qualities are
- having an abundance mentality of having many options with women
- not getting jealous
- not looking to commit so quickly
Use This Technique to Re-Attract Her Back
When you get too romantic, and the relationship gets too “serious” a little too soon, it causes a woman to lose attraction and fade away.
This video reveals 5 Romantic Mistakes that make a girl fade away.
But if you’ve already made any of these mistakes… the good news is you can use a sneaky little mind game called “The Scrambler” to get a woman’s attraction back to how it was before. (I review the Scrambler here)
Have a look at this video to see what I mean.
