When Your Ex Girlfriend is Seeing Someone Else But Still Contacts You

When your ex girlfriend is seeing someone else, but still contacts you, it puts you into a dilemma.

There are two paths you can take…

Do you attempt to get her back, by leveraging the fact that she still messages you… or do you pull back to allow yourself to recover?

While you should still be on good terms with your ex, I don’t advice you to actually be her friend.

If she completely lost attraction for you and is only interested in platonic friendship, then having her in your space doesn’t allow you to fully recover.

You’ll have her close by, yet you’ll feel powerless that you can’t control what she feels for you.

You’ll want what you can’t have… and it will only lead to more jealousy, neediness, and suffering.

Instead, you must step back, regroup, and re-cultivate the ability to be happy again on your own.

Then once you are strong again, you’ll have a much better head space to trigger attraction in her again.

In this article I’ll explain how.

(Free Video: Little-Known Techniques to “Rewire” Your Ex’s Feelings and Make Her Want You Back)

Below I share with you two emails from guys who are in this very same situation as you.

So if your ex girlfriend is seeing a new guy and you resonate with this scenario… you’ll want to keep reading.

Now let’s start with email #1, from our good friend Mike.

In this first email exchange, you’ll learn:

• How men in a new relationship often fall into a “false sense of security” that leads to disaster, (and how to avoid it)
• The proper way to get a woman’s attraction back when she first starts going distant, (and what most guys do make things WORSE)
• How often to schedule dates during a budding relationship (too much and you risk attraction loss)

Ok take it away Mike…

Question #1: She Is Dating Someone Else But Still Contacts Me 

Frankie,

Thanks for the free 7 Deadly Mistakes eBook email. I blew it big time with my ex girlfriend.

Without going into great detail, let’s say that the first month we were together I heard  her say things like “I feel like I hit the jackpot”…”I feel like you’re the one”…”I feel like I’m falling in love…”

But by month three it was “I need space”…”I just need a friend right now”…”I want to date other people”…”I’m seeing someone else”…etc.

During this time, there was a lot of fighting, a lot of arguing, and I became very weak and needy.

Pathetic, even for a 40 year old man dating a 28 year old woman.

Here’s the thing though: Throughout all the bullshit and arguing we both hung in there and tried to fix the situation until it just eventually became DEAD.

And that’s where we’re at right now.

I get no more “good morning” texts from her and in our last conversation she told me she wanted to date other people and is seeing someone new now.

She did say she is unsure about him and unsure about me too. She said there are things about him that give her pause just as there are things about me that give her pause.

I asked her if it was “over” between us and she said “I don’t know, but I don’t feel the same way I did before.”

We broke up in February, and I agreed to be her friend for about two weeks after but it just led to me feeling more jealous and needy and now it’s bad.

Do you think there’s a chance to get this girl back?

– Mike

My Reply: Possible Mistakes That Caused Her to Pull Away

Hey Mike,

Good morning texts, every morning, is a red flag if it implies you were texting every day… which can lead to the girl fading away if you’re not careful.

When a girl is really into you, she says things that make you feel special.

She treats you like she hit the jackpot with you and you are her “superman”.

This then motivates you to “go closer” towards her by sending out more texts, and being more in her life.

You get the feeling that this love story is “guaranteed” and that it’s impossible to make mistakes.

The problem is that, after a while, all the romance and texting starts feeling like it’s all too much on her end, and it causes her to seek a bit of space.

Related Article: What to do When a Girl Says You Like Her Too Much

During this time, she’ll go a bit distant and use phrases like “I need space”… “you’re smothering me”… and “this feels overwhelming and suffocating”.

See, when a woman’s space gets crowded, it makes her feel like she’s losing her freedom… and she fades away a bit.

From your end, her distance feels cold because she stops giving you the validation of always eager to talk and saying what a great guy you are. 

She removes the rug from under your feet, causing your self-esteem to fall through the floor, which makes you act more needy.

In this situation when a girl pulls away, our gut reaction is to chase to get her “attention” back.

This is what most guys do.

But the proper move is to create space. Giving her pace is the prescription to make her feel more free.

See, she doesn’t want to be locked down in a “serious” relationship and have the pressure of a boyfriend that checks in on her every day.

That’s why early on in a relationship, I recommend not texting every day and only setting “face-to-face” dates about once a week. That way you create space and allow “mystery” to develop.

Now back when the girl’s attraction level was high, she gave you positive signals that made it seem “ok” to text her every day. This false sense of security leads to letting your guard down and making mistakes that lead to attraction loss.

When your ex tells you they are seeing someone new, it can be devastating… but the new guy she is seeing may be falling into the same trap and making the mistakes you made in the past, so that’s why she’s not sure about him either.

However, you now have access to this knowledge… and you have a better idea of what mistakes to avoid.

…and because attraction isn’t “set in stone”… her attraction for you can come back if you  create space for it to return…

But only if you change your old “habits” and create new ones that are sustainable in the long term.

By sustainable habits I mean, the way or frequency you interact with her shouldn’t eventually overwhelm her and cause her to seek space.

What to Do Now:

Go no contact until she reaches out. That could mean a few weeks, or a month.

When your ex girlfriend reaches out, assume she’s eager to see you, and make a date… preferably at your place, containing the opportunity to hang out, have fun, and hookup.

However, she might reach out in a “just friends” manner. When your ex girlfriend is seeing someone else but still contacts you, you must set boundaries that you don’t want a platonic friendship.  Note: You also don’t want to put a label on it or it’ll push her away.

If you end up going on a date, create space after the date until she reaches out. Then when she does, make another date (no less than a week after the first one).

This is important because, when you’re seeing her, you must make sure dates are only once a week so that you’re creating space in between with minimal texting.

Save all the important talking for the date. If you get “good morning” texts it’s great, but if you aren’t, don’t initiate them, let her come to you.

Have a read at this article:
https://championsofmen.com/why-is-she-so-cold-and-distant-when-your-girlfriend-pulls-away-avoid-this-mistake/

And this one:
https://championsofmen.com/when-your-ex-girlfriend-reaches-out-after-a-long-time-of-no-contact/

Next we have Question #2 from Paul.

Question #2: Ex is Dating Someone New But Still Contacts Me

Good day Frankie,

My situation is really complex and most of the time I have no idea on how to handle the situation and what to do.

About 2 and a half weeks ago, my girlfriend broke up with me after a relationship of almost 4 years.

The reason she gave was: She doesn’t love me like she used to and feels that we are more like friends than lovers.

I must admit that through the years I made countless mistakes and now I know this.

When she broke up with me, it really hurt, and I made all the mistakes that relationship experts say you should not make.

I kept acting needy and kept on texting her (she still replies).

I asked her for another chance, I begged her to not leave me… I could feel her grow more and more distant every day.

That was when I started searching for answers on google.

And I learned about “no contact”.

Now I have moved to a new place where I don’t see her after classes, to help me recover and start over.

However, it’s difficult to maintain no contact because we are still studying together so I have to see her in class every day of the week.

This caused problems in the first place, because we didn’t get to be in our own space. We were in the same place for 14 hours of a 24 hour day.

Adding to my story… she started talking to my best buddy… and they are now seeing each other.

This is where I am…. not sure what to do in this situation. I don’t want to continue talking to him (my best friend), as I feel that he would get the impression that I am okay with the idea of them getting into a relationship.

Please advise me on how to handle the situation and what to do exactly.

Thank you in advance.

– Paul

My Reply: Detach and Focus on Yourself

Hey Paul,

What you are doing right now is fine. The goal is to create as much space as possible.

Don’t contact her at all until she reaches out. Focus on yourself, school, and other hobbies/passions/goals, and also go back and look at past mistakes and figure out how you could have handled it differently.

His Reply: I feel That Since She’s Seeing My Friend, She Won’t Feel the Effect of Me Being Gone

Thanks for the reply!

I feel that because there is another love interest that she will not feel the full effect of me being gone. Therefore I really doubt whether no contact will actually work in this case.

It seems as if going no contact will give her the time to move on and completely forget about me.

Right now she is giving me hot and cold behavior.

One day she is texting me and seems like she doesn’t want to stop talking,  only to not text at all the following day.

It has never reached a point where one ignores the other or anything like that.

Thanks

My Reply: No Contact Sets You Up to Win Her Back From the New Guy

The feeling that giving a girl space will make her forget about you and fade away forever is an irrational feeling.

That’s what it feels like, but it’s only an illusion.

But you’re right that at the moment she is involved with the new guy she’s seeing… and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Focus on yourself, do your own thing, let her new relationship run its course, and let it go.

Does No Contact Work if Your Ex is Seeing Someone Else?

It can work and here’s how…

If the new guy messes up, you’re setting yourself up for her to come back to you

You’re making yourself scarce by not making yourself available anymore, and you’re giving her the experience of losing you. You’re no longer around to be her “backup plan” or fallback guy.

Whenever you’re the backup plan, she knows she still has you and doesn’t feel she actually lost you.

You may get the urge to compete for her, or feel that you’re not doing everything you can to get her back.

But if crowding her space is the thing that caused the attraction loss, creating space is the prescription.

ESPECIALLY if you’ve always been in touch with this girl and have never gone a week without contact.

You are giving yourself space to move on (you’ll be the one moving on because you’re less attached to her emotionally), and space to talk to other girls… the best way to recover.

Now no contact doesn’t mean that you’re ignoring her, at all! It means no contact until she reaches out.

When your biggest mistakes were not giving the girl enough space, then no contact can only make things better.

In this article I cover this concern of whether no contact will make your ex girlfriend move on.

In that article I specifically mention two laws of female psychology:

Law #1: A woman will pull away when you crowd her space too much 

and

Law #2: Women are attracted more to men whose feelings are “unclear”

With this in mind, right now you have to play the game of “no contact” working in your favor when the girl notices your absence.

Combined with her wondering if you’re still head over heels in love with her, or if you moved on.

Combined with the possibility that the new guy is making the same mistakes of being too much in her space.

These are the things you might have working for you.

But a lot of it isn’t in your control… and you can only focus on what you can control.

Just focus on your end. Do your own thing, direct your mind only to your own goals and hobbies. 

And at the same time, be open to the possibility that she might come to you. Let her initiate and pursue you, don’t chase… while at the same time planting the seed of having other options in case she doesn’t.

Question: My Ex Girlfriend Who Dumped Me for Another Guy Still Contacts Me What Should I Do?

My ex girlfriend dumped me 6 months ago because she didn’t feel it anymore and she wanted to explore things with someone else.

Now she is back in my life sending me messages but she’s still with her new boyfriend.

I guess they’re not that “official” but it seems like she can’t decide between him and me.

I really want her back and want her all to myself.

How can I make this happen?

– Pete

My Reply: How You Ex Girlfriend Chooses Which Guy to Stay With

Hey Pete,

When women think about you, they place themselves in your orbit.

That’s why she’s back.

Something tells me it isn’t working as well with the new guy but he is still in the picture.

However, she’s thinking about you too, which is the good news.

Now when a woman isn’t sure about which guy to pick, she’ll vacillate from one guy to the other and give “tests” to weed out the weaker one.

She will pull away from both guys to test their strength.

If she pulls away from you, will you bombard her phone with texts? Or will you do nothing and let her come to you.

If you move too fast, and show her you like her too much and are head over heels in love with her… then she knows you want it too much and you’re not much of a challenge anymore.

If she sleeps with you, will you rush the relationship and try to lock her down?

Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

She wants you to be a challenge to her.

And what challenge means is that while you like her sexually and want to sleep with her, she isn’t sure if you like her as a potential girlfriend.

In the mean time, I also recommend that you check out the Ex Factor program. It shows you how to make your ex girlfriend fall in love with you again.

Free Video: How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Before She Leaves For Good