When Your Ex Girlfriend Wants to Stay Friends But She Keeps Texting You (How Do You Get Her Back?)

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When your ex girlfriend wants to stay friends but she keeps texting you, it can drive you crazy.

On one hand, you want her back and don’t want to stay “just friends” with her.

On the other hand, whenever you bring up getting back together, she dismisses the idea.

And if she does reject you, the fact that she keeps sending you texts doesn’t give you the space you need to recover.

So you are conflicted, stuck in limbo, not knowing which path to take.

Will you seek space and gain closure… or go for another attempt to get her back?

In this article I want to give you a simple plan of action…

…to clear the confusion in your head.

So that you stop overthinking the situation and finally get some peace of mind… whatever you choose to do.

To help you, let’s go through an email from our good friend Jeremy.

Question: My Ex Keeps Texting Me But Wants to Be Friends Only

Hi Frankie, my ex contacts me every two days just to say hi and know how my life is going.

I always reply to not be rude.

I have told her a number of times that I want her back but she just brushes it off.

What should I do to make it clear that I don’t want to be friends and show more confidence when chatting with her.

– Jeremy

My Reply: When Your Ex Girlfriend Wants to Be Friends But Keeps Texting You, Tell Her You’re Not Interested in Anything Platonic

Hey Jeremy,

When your ex girlfriend still wants to be friends, but you want to be more than friends, it’s very important that you communicate it and set the tone.

When you fall into her frame by replying and going along with the small talk to “not be rude”…  that is not being assertive and direct with what you REALLY want.

You have to set the frame and lead the conversation towards the direction you want… otherwise you’ll lose control.

However, this can be tricky.

On one hand, you want to say that you’re not interested in being friends.

On the other hand, you also don’t want to just say that you want her back…
because that implies you want the “relationship label” back.

And although eventually you want that official relationship label, asking her to take you back right now won’t work.

See, your ex isn’t ready for a relationship with you at this moment.

You have to start from the beginning, like if you just met her.

Right now, her attraction level is low, and you have to raise it back up slowly.

Think of it this way: When you just meet a girl, you don’t just jump into a relationship with her. That doesn’t go over well. Instead, you go on several dates, and her attraction for you slowly builds over time.

Same applies with your ex.

Start from the beginning… and aim for the “lover” zone.

This is where you see each other, hang out, have fun, and hook up, but without putting on a label.

Make this happen only about once a week… then in between dates do minimal texting.

Text primarily to schedule the next meet. Save the interaction for face-to-face.

But those are the instructions for when you start seeing her again…

Rewind that to right now, where she is texting you.

The key to meeting your ex girlfriend after no contact is as follows:

When your ex texts you, use her initiative to create a meet.

Ask her to come over and you’ll make dinner together.

However, don’t bring up anything about her feelings, or getting the relationship back.

Only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.

Because right now she isn’t ready for a relationship.

Now let’s go over another question from a student…

Question: After No Contact My Ex Keeps Texting Me

Frankie:

I’m 39 and my girlfriend of 7 years broke things off 2 months ago. Most of those years were spent living together. So I respected her wishes and moved out.

Then I did no contact and sought help with various items on the internet
such as your manual.

After no contact she began to miss me and we started hooking up again and doing dates.

However, she is still acting “hot and cold” with me through text.

How do I get her to fight for our relationship back?

Thanks,
Edgar

My Reply: When Your Ex Girlfriend is Hot and Cold, You Are Moving Too Fast

Hey Edgar,

Seems like your ex girlfriend is hot and cold right now.

My advice is to only focus on having fun, hooking up, and doing dates…

  • without asking her about her feelings
  • without trying to convince her to get the “relationship label” back
  • without making future plans and treating her like a girlfriend

Her attraction for you is still there, but it’s low.

To make it go back up again, start from the beginning and only focus on having fun and hooking up.

When you first start dating a girl, you don’t jump right into a relationship, right?

Same thing applies here, because her attraction is low, like when you first met.

Let her be the one who brings up “getting back together” and asking questions about what it all means.

Only do dates about once a week… and in between dates keep your texting minimal.

Creating space is important to rebuild the attraction back up.

As men, we sometimes think that we have to “do more” to raise her attraction level, but that results in “crowding” her space, and it stops her from regaining feelings for you.

So it’s important to not overtext her and overwhelm her with texts.

When you’re in scarcity and she is your everything, it will be harder to give her space and you will have the urge to constantly contact her.

But if you focus on yourself, your purpose/passion/career, and you have other things in life besides her, it makes it easier to naturally be busy and not contact her as much.

Which is great, because you save everything for the date, and you make her miss you in between dates.

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