Win the Girl You Love (aka that One Special Girl)

Dear Friend, if you’re reading this, then you’re in love with a girl and are probably experiencing one of the following situations:

• Case 1: Girl doesn’t like you, but you’re stuck in the friend zone
• Case 2: Girl already likes you, but doesn’t want a relationship
• Case 3: Girl used to like you, but lost attraction

Before we start with “Case 1”, I want to talk about the scenario that plays out whenever we get a really intense crush on a girl.

The Girl You’re Thinking About, Right Now

When you find yourself falling for a girl, you realize she’s all you think about. You even tell your friends and family about her.

When you have this intense crush on one girl, it’s called “oneitis”.

Oneitis makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do. You sacrifice other things in your life for her. You spend all your time and energy thinking about this girl and trying to “decode” her.

Eventually, you just can’t stand it. You can’t handle the uncertainty of not knowing where you stand with her. The tension is too much.

So you plan a big move that will (hopefully) win her over and give you certainty once and for all.

This move is called the “Grandiose Gesture” because in this move… you plan an elaborate gesture where you send her flowers, buy her a gift, play her a song, etc. Or you maybe you make this big move where you ask her out.

See, you are under the “spell” of oneitis, and you sense she’s fading, so you feel you must make a move in order to get her attention back.

Now this move will supposedly win her over much like a cheesy 80’s romantic comedy. You will stand outside her window with a jukebox over your head playing her favorite song.

But the grandiose gesture rarely works.

Most of the time she just gives you the dreaded “let’s just be friends speech”… which is ironic because then things get “weird” with the girl and she acts less friendly.

The romantic gesture is cool when she’s already attracted to you, but it doesn’t actually CREATE attraction. The problem is guys use it as a “Hail Mary” play when the girl is fading away.

If you’re not sure if a girl likes you, it’s much better is to do the “friend zone test”, which is an innocent move to test for attraction in women.

The way to “show” a girl you like her is to make plans to spend time together with her and creating an opportunity where you two are alone and you can kiss her.

That’s how you correctly make a move on a woman. It’s much better than to pour out your heart and reveal your feelings for her.

Doing the big “feelings reveal” rarely works, and at least when you go for the kiss you feel confident that you “played to win”.

(If you ever want to show you like her with a compliment, I suggest you use a “high status” compliment technique)

Case 1: She Doesn’t Like You and You’re Stuck in the Friend Zone

Let’s begin with the first case…

Girl doesn’t like you, and you’re stuck in the friend zone

So you do the “friend zone test” and you feel she’s not attracted to you as a lover and only thinks of you as a friend.

Is there a way to actually attract this girl?

Yes you can, by changing what’s called the “pattern of interaction”.

The pattern of interaction is something I mention again and again.

You must change the pattern of interaction.

Let me explain what this pattern means.

When you act a certain way where she has power over you… when you are chasing her… when you seek her approval and you limit yourself to avoid offending her… then the pattern of interaction = you are pursuing her.

This isn’t a pattern of interaction that creates attraction.

When you make grandiose gesture moves, they are nice guy moves and nice guy mistakes. Acting like the “nice guy” is a common pattern of interaction that does not create attraction.

Once it’s “cemented”… it’s very hard to change the pattern of interaction.
Most men don’t even know it exists but once you are aware of it, it’s quite possible to change it.

How to change the pattern of interaction?

These articles explain how:

Case 2: Girl already likes you, but doesn’t want a relationship

In this case, a girl likes you but not as much as you like her.

You also worry that she is fading on you not only by her behavior, but by the things she says.

If your girl says  “I’m not ready for a relationship”… “I don’t want to rush things”… or “let’s take a break”… and you can tell she’s getting distant, then BEWARE. It’s likely she feels her space being crowded.

When women pull away, men react by pursuing more. This instinct is hard to resist when a woman fades and you feel like you’re going to lose her.

Especially when there’s another man in the picture…

But when a girl pulls away, and you start “doing more” and messaging her more to get her attention back, it will only crowd her space and push her away even more, so be careful with that.

3 Keys to Raising Her Attraction Level Back Up

1. First, you must understand her mindset

When your girl wants freedom, she wants to take a step back because doesn’t want the pressure of always having to play the “girlfriend” role.

In this case, it might helpful to think of your situation as a “friends with benefits”.

Yes, even if the official label is “boyfriend and girlfriend”… in reality she might oscillate between wanting a serious relationship, and wanting freedom from commitment.

2. Be “ok” with space

If you’re used to texting her every single day, going no contact for a couple of days will seem weird.

Don’t freak out. Space is natural.

When you have a life and other things to do, you will be naturally busy and you’ll create space. If you don’t have a life and you spend your days just sitting around thinking about her, get a hobby. Find something you like so that you make yourself busy when you’re not texting her.

3. Let her come to you

Go about your life and don’t contact her until she reaches out first. When a girl is going distant because she feels smothered, the remedy is to create space and allow her to reach out first.

Don’t spend so much time texting. Make sure you leave something for when she sees you.

See, the concept of “Mystery” is that she has space to miss you and wonder what you’re up to. But if you’re always in contact with her, it leaves no room for mystery.

No contact and space creation can create the “tension” that makes her reach out and want to see you. Then when you do hang out, it’s because she wants to and not because she feel she “has” to because she’s your girlfriend.

Then when you get together, only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up, without bringing up feelings or the relationship label.

Those are the mindsets and behaviors that increase attraction.

Pursuing her, giving her gifts, trying to lock down the relationship when she needs space… those behaviors turn her off and make her LOSE attraction.

Case 3: Girl used to like you, but lost attraction

When “case 2” worsens, it turns into “case 3” — the girl completely loses attraction and doesn’t want to see you like before.

In this case, she’ll want even more space and will probably go “no contact” with you.
Maybe she’ll even want nothing to do with you.

Either way, the plan of action here is the same as under “case 2”.

• Go no contact until she reaches out
• When she does, make plans to meet and focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up
• Treat it as a “friends with benefits”. Don’t even think about asking her to get back together with you… that will surely push her away and you’ll be back on square one.

In the meantime…

• Re-anchor to your purpose in life
• Find hobbies
• Socialize with other people
• Gain other female options