When your girlfriend pulls away and suddenly becomes cold and distant towards you… what does the “monkey brain” inside our head want to do? It wants to CHASE.
But that’s the WRONG way to go about it.
You see, it happened to me with a girl I was seeing.
We were going out on dates for a couple of months, and then on the third month, she started getting a bit distant.
She wasn’t eager to hang out like before… she took long to text back… and whenever I proposed getting together, she would come up with an excuse.
It was REALLY frustrating.
But then… because I was unaware… I made it WORSE.
I Made the HUGE Mistake That Contributed to the Demise of the Relationship:I Kept Pursuing
Actually, this is a very common mistake most men do with their girlfriends.
And you know what? It makes sense.
Ever since we are little boys, we are programmed by Hollywood movies to believe that you have to chase to make sure a girl stays interested in you.
Because of this “programming”…the minute a girl starts pulling away from us, there is a little voice in our head that continually tells us “Don’t let her get away! If you don’t DO SOMETHING, she will fade away and you will lose her forever!”
As a result of this misconception, men try to “fix” a woman who’s pulling away by pursuing her even more… unaware that this behavior turns her OFF and makes her pull away even MORE.
That’s why it’s important to understand the crucial, but poorly understood, dynamics of what to do when your girlfriend pulls away and becomes cold and distant… so that you don’t inadvertently turn her off.
A Relationship is Like a Tennis Match
You see, a relationship is like a tennis match.
You hit the ball to her, she hits it back to you.
When you hit the ball to her side, you have to WAIT for her to get back to you.
However, if you don’t let your girlfriend hit the ball back to you… and instead you get desperate and try to “force things” by continually barraging her with tennis balls… she gets the sense that you are knocked off your center and not secure with yourself.
She senses your weakness at an unconscious level, and she becomes repulsed by your lack of masculinity.
In my case, I didn’t let her come to me and instead I kept “hitting the ball over the net.”
I kept pursuing and pursuing over text. I even only tried to get her out once a week to avoid seeming “needy”.
I rationalized this as “playful persistence.”
But things didn’t get any better.
Soon she was texting me less and less… taking several days to reply… while giving more excuses of why she couldn’t hang out.
The relationship was inevitably going down in a death spiral.
And Then… a Few Weeks Later… Came the Shocker…
Actually, who am I kidding? It wasn’t even that shocking.
One night, as I was driving, I noticed my phone light up with 7 consecutive texts from her.
When I saw that, my heart sank. I already knew what it was.
She had sent me a long text saying we should just be friends. Using reasons
such as “we are incompatible” and other types of reasons women give when
they want to break up with you to rationalize why they’re not feeling
And this brings me to the lesson of the story:
When Your Girlfriend Pulls Away, You Must Wait For Her to Come to You
Look, at one point of another, your girlfriend will go cold. She will become distant.
Sometimes she’ll do it to “test” you. Other times she’ll do it because she needs space to figure out her feelings for you.
Assume it’s going to happen eventually. Because it’s female nature.
When it does happen… don’t panic. Don’t pursue by bombing her phone like crazy.
No, let her be and CREATE SPACE for her to come back to you.
Let’s say you propose meeting up and going on a date. She says she can’t and gives you an excuse about how she is busy blah blah blah.
But she doesn’t propose another day to go out.
What do you do then?
Instead of waiting a few days to try to get her out again, say “great, when are you free to get together?” If she says she doesn’t know, you say “cool, let me know when you figure your schedule out.”
Then WALK AWAY until she gets back to you.
Go no contact until she reaches out again. When she does, assume she wants to see you and you make a date.
I hope you’re paying attention because this is KEY.
See, you’ve already hit the ball over the net… and she failed to hit it back. Now you have to wait until she hits the ball back over to you.
By distancing yourself and going about your life, you allow her to work her feelings out and, because you’re away, you become more attractive.
She starts wondering about you. She starts missing you… and that causes her to come back to you.
Then once she reaches out, you assume it’s because she wants to see you, and you make a date!
THAT is what you do when your girlfriend pulls away and becomes cold and distant.
Okay Frankie, Thanks For the Advice, But I Read it Too Late and I Messed Up…
Okay, you messed up and pursued too much, (just like I did).
Now what do you do to get your ex girlfriend back?
First, you’ll want to get my FREE “How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back” training eBook and then follow the steps I lay out to make yourself attractive in your ex’s mind again.