Competing With Her Long Distance Ex Boyfriend

You are seeing a girl, and things are going great…

But now all of a sudden, you have competition.

Her long distance ex boyfriend is back in the picture… and she still has feelings for him.

This makes you uneasy as her feelings for you hang in the balance.

She feels undecided, stuck in between you and the ex… how do you tip her over to your favor?

In this article, I’ll reveal how to compete with her long distance ex boyfriend.

We’ll talk about the advantages and disadvantages you both have… and how to make sure she decides to stick with you instead of him.

In particular, below is an email question from a reader who’s suffering through this same situation.

If you’re going through this same experience, you better pay close attention.

Question: Competing With Her Long Distance Ex Boyfriend

Hello Frankie, I’ve read some of your responses to relationship questions and now I need your help.

I dated a girl for 4 weeks and we had a great time going out on adventures, listening to music, watching movies, and dancing.

Suddenly one day, she got a call from her ex-boyfriend who wanted her back. She said yes and left me to go back to him.

I tried to avoid contact with her afterwards, but we were in the same class which made it difficult to avoid her.

After 3 days of pain, I called her and asked “how important am I?” She replied, “you are very important in my life”… and said she still liked me.

I said we can continue to be friends and she was happy about that.

I asked her why she went back to her ex-boyfriend if she still liked me, and she said that they dated for 1.5 years but broke up twice because of the long distance and that they hadn’t seen each other for 2 years. He currently lives 3000 miles away from her so he is still a long-distance ex boyfriend.

Today I asked her to hang out and we had a great time:
1. We raced (like we were driving against each other).
2. We went out for lunch
3. We sang together during the car ride
4. We watched a movie
5. She placed her head on my shoulder and we held hands together (she initiated the hand holding)
6. She still has feelings for me and likes me
7. She said that’s nervous for an upcoming exam and asked if I was going to help her and I replied I will always be there for you to help her succeed and she replied you’re so sweet and caring (we didn’t kiss but we touched our noses).

This where I think I made a mistake:

1. After dropping her off, I texted her saying that I still have feelings for her and that I will be hurt staying just friends with her.

She said that she doesn’t want me to feel hurt… and that she is trying to absolve her guilt because she feels guilty every time she talks to me.

2. I asked her if she wanted to hang out on Thursday and she agreed as long I don’t feel hurt.

During our previous lunch, she told me that her boyfriend changed a lot since they broke up so I deduced that she is loyal and in love with her boyfriend.

That’s why right now I’m hopeless and hurting because it feels like I won’t get her back.

So after my upcoming exam, I will tell her that I don’t want to be just friends and that I want to start a relationship with her instead.

I’ll tell her that she has my number if she’s ready to start a new relationship and then leave with radio silence.

Question:

1. Should I still hang out with her?
2. Is my plan good?
3. Is there any chance that she will come back to me?
4. If my plan is not good, what should I do next?

Thank you!

-Eric

>>>My Response: That Ultimatum Will Drive Her Away. Instead, Focus on the “Lover” Zone and Have Dates That Lead to Kissing

Hey Eric,

There are three points I want to make in response to your question.

1. That ultimatum plan will drive her away.

While you don’t want to be “just friends”, even worse is to push the relationship label right away.

Instead, only aim for the fun “lover zone”… not the relationship zone or friend zone.

For more details, follow the guidelines in this article: When Your Ex Girlfriend Still Wants to Be Friends After She Dumps You

2. When you hung out with her, the biggest mistake was not to kiss her. You were so close too!

Dates are fun, but even funner if they lead to kissing. (Remember, you want to aim for the lover zone, right?)

Focus on getting the “hookup” part down before getting into “relationship mode”.

Meaning, focus on dates that lead to kissing and hookups, without getting into relationship topics, asking about her feelings for you, or asking about her feelings for the other guy.

Interactions were you bring up feelings and relationship labels create pressure that decreases her attraction for you.

And here’s why:

• She won’t want to be your lover if she feels you want her as your girlfriend too much
• She needs to feel freedom from guilt when she’s with you
• She won’t hook up with you if she thinks you like her too much and you’ll get badly hurt if things don’t work out
• She doesn’t want that risk of feeling guilty cause she hurt you
• She doesn’t want the pressure of going through that drama…

Make sense?

That’s why she told you she was feeling guilty. She knows you like her too much and feels guilty that you are hurt by her dismissing you for her ex boyfriend.

3. The Stronger Mentality Will Win

When you’re too emotional and needy to have her, you need to snap out of that weak state of mind ASAP, and here’s why:

The guy who’s most concerned about the girl’s “hot and cold” behavior towards him will be unable to carry himself in a way that triggers attraction in her.

That’s why the best attitude is to just want “fun” without worrying about what it all means.

Because when a girl thinks you just want to “bang” and have fun, you actually have a better chance of making her your girlfriend than if she thinks you want to be her boyfriend.

Follow this attitude, especially considering the big advantages that you have.

Your big advantages are that…

a) The “boyfriend” lives far while you are near her

and

b) Just like you’re screwing up your chances by worrying about him and acting weak… the other guy can screw up his chances by worrying about you too and being insecure about her hanging out with you (being so close to her).

You will cash-in on this advantage ONLY if you do the following:

• Don’t talk about feelings, relationship labels, or her boyfriend
• Only focus on having fun-filled hangouts that result in kissing and hookups(hang out, have fun, hook up)
• Don’t text her too much in between dates

Do you initiate texting, or does she? At this point in the dynamic, it’s wise to let her come to you and initiate.

Then if she’s eager to talk, create another hangout opportunity like before (and remember to make a move to kiss her as well).

However, if you’ve been texting her every single day, it’s best to sit back and create space for her to come to you.

What to do Now:

1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook

Click Here to Sign Up to Get This Free eBook By Email, Instantly

2. Learn How to Use the “Scrambler” to Get a Girl Back

Take 5 minutes to watch this video that teaches you a few little-known techniques to re-wire a girl’s feelings and make her want you back.