“Don’t ‘logic’ a girl into liking you”
If you’re learning how to convince a girl to like you, the first thing you must understand is that “logic” doesn’t work in this space.
For example, a woman you’re crazy about has had 3 past ex boyfriends who were all jerks.
If she says to you “You’re a nice guy and a good listener, I like that about you” and then she says “I wish my ex boyfriend was a nice guy”
Don’t be like “hey I’m a nice guy could you possibly maybe go out with me?”
Instead, look at her behavior. Something players do obviously attracts her.
Although she logically wants a nice guy, her emotions say otherwise, and her emotions are what makes her decide who she wants to date.
Now these players are doing something to get her attracted… and these players are getting laid ALL THE TIME.
Fortunately for you, you don’t have to be a jerk to get the same result.
My friend Bobby studied these players for a while and his conclusions where stunning.
He discovered they all had a certain mindset. A way of thinking that caused them to act a certain way to attract women.
In fact, he discovered that there were 7 “thought processes” that all the “players” had in common.
Learn 7 “player” mental shifts here
Table of Contents
***Question From a Reader***
How to Convince a Girl to Like You?
Hey Frankie.
My ex-girlfriend recently broke up with me.
We dated for three weeks, and things were going well… and then I went a month away from home.
After I came back, she told me she lost feelings for me… but that I was the perfect partner.
We had an agreement to always tell the truth, which is why she told me this right away.
After analyzing all that had happened and reading your eBook. I know she most certainly lost attraction because I played the “feminine” part in the relationship.
You must know, that this was my first girlfriend, so I did not have any experience.
I am a family guy, so after reading a lot of statistics about sex and divorce I thought “You should not have sex in the first 6 months of a relationship”.
I also said to her that I want to marry eventually and that this is the purpose of dating… and so on.
I still want to do this, but it isn’t the masculine role
The woman would need to say that, because it is the feminine that wants to seek security in a long term relationship.
I also asked things like: “Am I allowed to do this?” while making out, really feminine behavior.
Now I want to turn things around. She asked me to stay friends, and but I said “there is no meaning in that”.
When I read your essay, I could not go “no contact” immediately, because she would still see me as the family guy.
So I wrote a last text saying, that I now know that one can just have fun in a relationship… that I am not sad and she doesn’t need to worry, and that I’m happy with myself.
Basically I wanted to say that I’m strong, I want to have fun, and I’m independent of her. All of that is true now, after learning so much. I do not lie out of principle.
Now we go to same university and we were supposed to be in same project together. If I say “I don’t want to do this project with you”, does it make me weak? …Because I can’t handle her emotionally?
Was my analysis correct and what should I do now?
Thanks in Advance
-J
>>>My Comments
J,
Your analysis is right on. I can tell you are smart.
It sucks because, when it comes to convincing a girl to like you, much of the “popular” advice we hear actually makes us act weak and unattractive.
But now you identified the problem correctly, and you are taking the right steps.
The problem is she sensed weakness and lost attraction. To convince a girl to like you again she must “trust” that you are strong.
How to Let Her Know You Are “Strong”
To get her attraction back, you have to change the way she sees you to something “stronger” than before.
Letting a girl know you are “strong” can be tricky, because you can’t just convince her to like you by appealing to her logical mind.
You can’t just say “Ok I am strong… do you like me now? Pretty please?”
Instead, it’s an unspoken thing that you speak to her emotional mind, with your behavior, and by giving her space when she is distant… and carrying yourself in a certain way.
I think that if you haven’t started the project, it’s ok to say you want to change groups.
Wanting space for yourself is a masculine thing to do… with no hard feelings. Just say you think it’s a good idea. It might be good for her too, she probably wants space as well.
Her Image of You: Boyfriend or Lover?
Let’s talk about “Painting Context”.
Everything you do paints a picture. You are embedded in the context of the “role” you are playing.
Every time you interact with a girl, you paint a picture of who you are.
She sees an “image” of you that can evolve over time.
As I explain in this article… the lover and boyfriend roles are critical in deciding a girl’s attraction level for you.
Think of Yourself as Her LOVER
Early on in a relationship, aim to be her lover first, boyfriend second (and much later… after she brings it up)
Boyfriend qualities are
- Paying a lot of attention to her
- Always being available
- Texting her every day
- Always checking up on her
- Being the perfect gentleman
- Always taking her side
On the other hand…
Lover qualities translate to:
- Creating space in between dates
- Not texting her every day
- Not expecting her to tell you everything she’s doing
- Everywhere she’s going, and everyone she’s hanging out with…
- Only focusing on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.
See the difference?
Playing the boyfriend role isn’t intrinsically “bad” in any way, as it contains positive qualities that make you a great guy.
However, if the girl starts wanting freedom, playing the boyfriend role will smother her space and cause her to go distant.
That’s when you shift to the “lover” role.
Being the lover is especially critical early on in a relationship.
When you start talking to a new girl, start off playing the “lover” role. Then as the girl grows more attracted to you, incorporate more “boyfriend” qualities.
Only when the girl brings up exclusivity questions should you get into relationship label topics. But let her be the one who brings it up.
See, a new girl you start talking to likely has lots of options, she wants fun, and she wants freedom.
Trying to lock her down in a relationship will quickly push her away. The toxic need to make her yours will smother her freedom…
Because when you seek to possess, control, or manipulate the object of your desire, she will no longer feel “free” to be herself.
You’ll squeeze too tight and she’ll slip through your fingers.
“Relationships – of all kinds – are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled.
A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
— Kaleel Jamison, The Nibble Theory and the Kernel of Power (Revised Edition): A Book about Leadership, Self-Empowerment, and Personal Growth
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
Lover Mode With Your Girlfriend
The first reason to play the lover role is early in a relationship when you don’t want to push a girl away.
The second reason is when a girl you’re dating or even a long-term girlfriend loses attraction
If a girlfriend who was warm and loving is suddenly acting cold and distant, it’s time to make a shift from “boyfriend mode” to “lover mode”.
You want to give her space and freedom by eliminating the pressure that she *has* to do something because she is your girlfriend.
Pretend that you’re starting from the beginning and dating her again.
Go back to the “friends with benefits” phase where you aren’t “official” yet. Only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up… without bringing up the relationship label… and you’ll create space for her to love you again.
Read More: 3 Keys to Dating Your Ex Girlfriend Again
Now listen because my next point is important.
You should have the following mindset…
Think of Yourself as a High-Status Man
When you’re a high status man
- You have an abundance mentality. You see a world with many female options
- So you don’t just jump into a relationship with the first girl who acts nice to you.
- And you don’t just give up your freedom so easily, it takes time for you to commit and she’s gotta be special
When you value and respect yourself, you value your freedom and abundance.
Valuing freedom means you don’t easily get tied down in a committed relationship. You also recognize and accept her freedom too.
Having an abundance mentality means you have female options and options in life in general… including your social life and anything that gives you positive emotions.
In essence, you don’t depend on “the one girl” to give you positive emotions and to boost your self-esteem.
See, this is the main problem with obsessive “oneitis”…
You get an intense crush on one girl,… and she’s means the whole world to you. Everything depend son her and you feel bad if she isn’t constantly texting you and validating your existence.
Same thing happens when you get too worried about losing your girlfriend.
When you feel that you really need to have or keep a girl as your girlfriend…
- You become needy of exclusivity
- You get jealous of other guys she hangs out with
- You worry about losing her to them
- You become needy of her validation
- You are dependent on her opinion of you
- You walk on eggshells and watch what you say to avoid offending her
Here you are in a scarcity state of mind that causes you to act weak, needy, and dependent on her. Definitely not traits of a high status man.
What to do Next:
Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook
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