When your girlfriend breaks up with you, it hits you like a ton of bricks.
You are hurt, angry, and confused.
You can’t stand the thought of losing her forever… so you want to find the best possible strategy to get her back.
In particular, you’ve decided to try the no contact rule with your ex girlfriend after your breakup.
Will it work for you?
In this article you’ll learn
- Why the “no contact rule” gives you the best chance of getting a girl back
- How to increase her attraction level back to how it was before
- Case studies of men going through the same situation as you
So now you’ve decided to try the no contact rule with your ex girlfriend after a breakup
Before I show you how the no contact rule works, first, let’s take care of the basics.
Table of Contents
- 1. Don’t contact your ex girlfriend anymore for now.
- 2. Next, figure out the reason she broke up with you.
- Question #1: Everything was going great, until she suddenly went cold
- My Reply: The “no contact” rule helps you detach from being dependent on her validation
- Her Decision and What To Do
- Question #2: Dated my ex girlfriend and it was amazing but one day she said she needed space
- My Reply: Fix the mistakes that made her lose feelings for you
- Your Action Plan
- What to do Now:
1. Don’t contact your ex girlfriend anymore for now.
Reaching out will do nothing good for you right now. In fact, it can only do bad.
The reason is simple: Being in a desperate and emotional state of mind causes you to make unattractive “wussy” behaviors that turn your ex girlfriend off even more.
So let’s take a step back from contacting her ok?
2. Next, figure out the reason she broke up with you.
Analyze your past behavior and past conversations… especially around the week she first started acting distant. Can you decipher what happened? (My free eBook gives you 7 possible reasons)
One common cause a woman fades away is when she feels smothered in the relationship.
The first law of female psychology states that women go distant when you crowd their space.
It’s important to keep this in mind… because if your ex girlfriend broke up because you crowded her space too much, then the no contact rule with greatly help you get her attraction back.
Now I want to show you a question from a reader who just had a breakup.
Interestingly enough, his girlfriend starting fading on him a few weeks before the breakup.
He is about to implement the no contact rule.
In this email exchange you will learn:
- How to properly implement the no contact rule
- Why no contact with her will probably feel weird
- How and when to start talking to your ex girlfriend again
- how to make “getting back together” her idea
Ok here is the question he sent me.
Question #1: Everything was going great, until she suddenly went cold
Hi,
My name is Tom and I have been in a relationship of 2 months, however we’ve been really close for about 5 months.
Everything was going great and we both really felt a strong connection. I really loved her and thought she was the one. I could tell she loved me too and she wanted to be with me for a long time.
One day all of a sudden, she started to text me more sharply and coldly, but when I mentioned it to her she just told me I was overthinking (I struggle with anxiety).
Sometimes when I looked back at her texts later, I could see that I really was overthinking, but sometimes it was clear that she had changed.
However, every time we’d see each other or call each other, everything would be perfect again.
But then on Wednesday she called me to say that she wanted a break… telling me she was in a bad mental state recently and she knows I’ve been too.
She told me it’s nothing about me, it’s her, and that she needed some time and space to get healthy again and that she recommended the same for me.
At first I was destroyed, first time I’ve cried in about a year and a half. I was throwing up from being so stressed and overwhelmed because I really don’t want to lose this girl.
After about 2 hours I realized maybe a break was the best thing for both of us, in the possibility that we could come back stronger than ever.
She doesn’t know if she wants to get back with me over time, she’s promised me she’ll get some help mentally and I will too. She also promised she won’t just leave me waiting.
She’ll give me a decision eventually but doesn’t know how long it’ll take.
What should I do in the mean time before she gives me her decision and what do I do to get her back once she gives me that decision? How should I go about it if she tells me she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore at all?
I can’t lose this girl, I’ve been in a couple relationships before but she’s just really special and I still really and truly love her through all of this.
I should also mention, I told her not to message me during this break because it’ll only make it more difficult for both of us, seeing as I want to give her space.
Thanks for your time.
-Tom
My Reply: The “no contact” rule helps you detach from being dependent on her validation
Hey Tom,
It’s a good idea to create space, especially for you, and the main reason is this:
Your fear of losing the girl is the biggest threat to losing the girl.
So this “no contact” period is a much needed “reset” for you to learn to derive positive emotions on your own, without needing the girl.
If after your 2nd day of no contact you really feel a VOID from the girl not texting you, then you likely have become dependent on receiving texts from her to give you validation.
Your senses detect the slightest change in her texting habits because if her texts have the slightest tinge of coldness, it doesn’t feel good to you.
That’s why when you’re in a needy state of mind, you feel like you need to text the girl every single day… and then if you go no contact for 2 or 3 days, it may feel like a big deal.
This silence feels weird, and sometimes guys can’t take the suspense without sending the girl something so they panic and break the no contact.
But if a girl has been cold and distant, this crowds the space she needs in order to warm up to you again.
So it’s good to keep the no contact going.
The solution for girls going cold is more SPACE, not sending her more stuff (more on giving her space here).
Her Decision and What To Do
When it comes to implementing the no contact rule with your ex girlfriend, I normally say “no contact until she reaches out”… but since you told her not to contact you, you might have to be the one to re-initiate contact.
Give it at least three weeks, then when you start talking again and you hang out, I welcome you to not think in terms of needing the “relationship label” to exist. Don’t even bring up the topic of her “decision” by asking “so what did you decide?”
Only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.
Your goal should be to raise her attraction level. By focusing on “fun” you do just that.
But if you make the goal to have certainty that she’s *yours*… and you ask her about the relationship label, then it will LOWER her attraction level.
How to become “official” again? By making “getting back together again” her idea. Only focus on fun with the possibility of hooking up, and do that, until she’s in a high state of attraction that makes her say “so what are we?”…”let’s talk about us”.
Of course being in a “fun” mood can be difficult to do if you’re anxious. That’s why this no contact period I want you to learn to be more positive on your own without needing the girl in your life.
So that when you see her again in the future, you’re less dependent on outcome, which in turn allows you to re-attract the girl once again.
Similarly, here’s another case study from another reader.
Question #2: Dated my ex girlfriend and it was amazing but one day she said she needed space
Dear Frankie,
Me and my now ex girlfriend dated for six months and it was amazing.
We were very deep in love, she swore we’d be together for years. She loved me and said I was the best guy she’d ever had and I felt the same and told her.
I never had these feelings for any other girl before… I totally saw a future with her!
However, one day she said she needed space, but she also wasn’t being honest with her feelings with me and I didn’t back off because I was trying to be a great boyfriend.
When she told me she wanted a break that was on a Thursday and we talked to each other for a bit. I probably should have left her alone… because then that Sunday she broke up with me in a text.
The reason she gave was that it had nothing to do with what I said or did, but that she needed to learn to love herself and that if it was meant to be it would be.
For about a month after that, I was trying everything to get her back. I kept questioning and asking for another chance. Nothing but arguing ever happened.
Then I thought one of my friends liked her and was trying to get with her. I started to assume things and it blew up in my face, but that situation is handled and everyone is good now.
Next, I also asked during the break up if we could hookup which yes worst question to ask but I was desperate.
However, she just recently informed me that the breakup was all caused by me pretty much wanting to spend time with her too much. She said she felt smothered when I acted that way, and she now regrets not expressing her feelings to me back when it happened.
I’m so lost, hurt, and confused. I love her in spite of all this. I miss her and don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to give up yet because I think there’s still hope and I don’t know if it’s truly over. I’m not accepting it and I don’t want to because she’s the girl I planned on spending the rest of my life with.
Jerry
My Reply: Fix the mistakes that made her lose feelings for you
Hey Jerry,
I think you do have hope.
But you have to fix the mistakes that made her lose feelings for you.
She lost her feelings because you crowded her space too much. She felt smothered, and felt like she was losing her freedom.
Women in her situation don’t always understand exactly why they lose feelings but they go with what they feel and say “I need space”.
I can tell she wants to love you, she really does! But there’s something that’s stopping that process from happening in her mind.
To make her feel attraction again, you need to fix the mistakes that are stopping her from loving you.
I talk about them in my “7 dangerous mistakes” report (read it if you haven’t already).
In particular, you need to apply the no contact rule with your ex girlfriend.
Your Action Plan
Don’t be the one to text first. Let her initiate. In fact, go no contact until she reaches out.
She might not reach out, which is good, because it allows you to go through this no contact process that gives her plenty of space.
Remember, not giving her space is what caused her to lose attraction. You probably texted her too much, and always wanted to spend time with her, she got overwhelmed and smothered.
So this space is good.
Once she does reach out, keep texting at a minimum, and make plans to meet. Save all your interaction for you’re face to face.
When you’re together, and this is very important…
- Don’t try to get the relationship label back
- Don’t ask her about her feelings
- Don’t beg for another chance
- Don’t say you’ve learned from your mistakes (this is better shown than said. Surprise her by giving her space when she expects you to send a long barrage of texts)
- Only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.
What to do Now:
1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook
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