No Contact With Ex Girlfriend to Get Her Back – 3 Steps

“No contact with ex girlfriend is critical to starting the process of getting her back”

If you’re going through a painful breakup and you’re finding it difficult to convince your ex girlfriend to take you back…

…then it is critical that you read this article, before you make the 5 mistakes that permanently damage your chances of getting your ex girlfriend back.

See, when your girlfriend breaks up with you, you are likely to commit 5 blunders that have a huge impact on your ex girlfriend’s attraction level.

The 5 Mistakes are…

1. Sending desperate needy texts begging for her back
2. Thinking that you have to “fight” for her back
3. Doing more romantic stuff as an attempt to recapture the old relationship and make her like you again
4. Making a big bold move in an attempt to win her back
5. Not being able to walk away, go no contact, and create space

Now I get it, when you break up, you are in an intense cloud of emotions that makes you want to reach out at your girlfriend. You want to do everything in your power to get your ex girlfriend back. You feel that if you do nothing, she will just fade away forever.

However, it’s important that you understand the need to create space, and the role it has in re-sparking your ex girlfriend’s attraction.

If the reason your girlfriend lost attraction is because you were weak at your core and kept crowding her space when she felt smothered and needed space to breathe… then learning to go no contact is critical to re-attracting her again.

So in this article, I’ll cover the 3 steps you must go through when going no contact with ex girlfriend to get her back.

Also, it’s important that you learn these little-known techniques to
“re-wire” your ex’s feelings and make her want you back

Step 1: Go No Contact

When your girlfriend says she wants to break up, you must do the opposite of what your needy, irrational impulses are telling you to do.

You must go no contact.

One reason to go no contact is that you can’t re-trigger attraction in her when you’re in a weak, desperate state of mind. You need time for yourself to recover. 

And two, giving your ex girlfriend space “resets” her mind and allows her to regain her feelings for you.

What is the No Contact Rule, Exactly?

The no contact rule means you go radio silent, until she reaches out. This includes birthdays and holidays.

It doesn’t mean you coldly ignore her if she texts you. That’s not a good idea either.  You go no contact, and let her come to you.

Now I get it…

No Contact Can Feel Very Alien and “Weird”

If you’re used to texting this girl every single day, then the thought of going “no contact” goes against every grain in your body.

You feel that you just can’t stop messaging this girl and that you have to “be there” for her.

Your brain instinctively wants to reach out at her to get her back. You feel that you have to fight for her back!

But when a girl wants space away from you, crowding her space won’t allow her to regain feelings for you again. By maintaining contact, you are only shooting yourself in the foot. You must create space in order to cancel out the negative emotions she has for you, so she can view you in a positive light. 

Now let’s move on to step #2 of recovery and getting your ex girlfriend back.

Step 2: Assume the Reason She Broke Up With You is Attraction Loss

When a girl breaks up with you, take the excuses or reasons she gives you with a grain of salt.

She might not understand why she lost attraction.

Oftentimes a girl feels overwhelmed by the constant attention her boyfriend gives her, she wants space to breathe, so she fades away a bit.

Then if the boyfriend freaks out, and asks “what’s wrong”… the girl withdraws herself even more because she just wants some space and she is turned off by her boyfriend’s weakness.

This is very common, yet the girl can’t put it into words because it’s just a reflex she has to fade away.

That’s why “doing more” isn’t the answer, and instead, you must go no contact with ex girlfriend to get her back.

My student Tom had a similar experience…

Question: She didn’t give me a reason for the break up

Last week, my girlfriend of 1 month broke up with me for no reason.

I read your article on “how to get your ex back” and the truth is I’ve made a lot of those mistakes.

She actually didn’t give me a good reason for breaking up with me and I made the mistake of begging her, acting needy, and being weak after the break up.

I finally told her to do what’s best for her… yet I still feel the need to call her and check up on her. I haven’t contacted her now for 2 days though.

This is actually a tough time for me, I’m madly in love with her and she broke up with me at the time we’re preparing for our professional exams.

We attend same College so it’ll be difficult for me to not see her. I’ll most likely come across her everytime.

How do I even go about this? Please help me.

– Tom

My Reply: Go No Contact and Create Space

Hey Tom, at this time your best move is to create space and go no contact.

This is crucial that you do this.

If you’re used to texting her every single day, this will definitely seem weird to you, and you will feel the instinct to contact her… but it’s critical that you keep going no contact.

Yes, you might run into her at school and if you must, just say hi, but try your best to find other things to do other than talk to her.

The truth is that most women don’t know exactly WHY they lose attraction for you so they won’t give you a good reason.

But it doesn’t matter whether she gives you a reason or not, especially since many times women won’t understand the reason in her head.

From your end, always assume the reason is that she lost attraction… and then figure out the mistakes that made her lose attraction.

One possible reason is that you acted too needy, too clingy, and it overwhelmed the girl such that she felt smothered. The girl who feels smothered seeks space and says “I need a break”.

If you feel empty and freaking out that you aren’t in contact with her, it’s a big sign you are needy for her attention…

And that can be the ROOT CAUSE of her attraction loss.

That’s why it’s so important that you go no contact…

To re-train yourself to be “OK” without being DEPENDENT on her giving you attention.

Which leads us to step #3…

Step 3: Re-Learn to Generate Positive Emotions on Your Own, Without Depending on the Girl’s Texts to Feel Good

No contact trains you to be attractive in her eyes again, because you re-learn how to generate positive emotions without being so co-dependent on her.

Once you are able gain that independence, that’s when you’re in the state of mind to re-attract her again if she reaches out and you reconnect on a date.

So then how do you make her your girlfriend again?

Well what happens is that after several dates, the girl’s attraction slowly starts going up again, up to a point where she starts asking you relationship label questions, like “where is this going?”

And once she’s talking in that way and eager to be your girlfriend, that’s when you can become official again.

But that’s far ahead in the game, right now you must focus on gaining your strength back and learning to feel positive even without the girl.

In the mean time as you go no contact, I recommend that you check out the Ex Factor program… which shows you how to make your ex girlfriend fall in love with you again. (You can read my review here)

Free Video: How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back Before She Leaves For Good

Next, I will cover a case study of a student who seriously turned off an ex, because of his inability to go no contact.

Case Study: Student Who is Unable to Go No Contact With Ex Girlfriend and Spoiling All His Chances

Are you still in contact with your ex, trying to convince her to get her back, with no luck, and even getting into arguments with her?

My student “Johnny” recently had a girlfriend break up with him… and instead of walking away, he kept badgering her with text messages talking about his feelings, asking her “what did I do wrong?”, and trying in vain to “fix” the breakup.

If you are doing something similar, pay attention before you completely ruin your chances of ever getting her back.

Here is the conversation he had with the girl:

Girl: I’m sorry, but I’ll say it again and I hope this will be the last time.
Last time we spoke, you said you would not look for me and you would leave me alone for a while, which did not happen. I don’t want to end up not answering you at all. I feel stupid repeating myself.

Guy: I have a problem with an amazing girl. And I know my persistence bothers her. She’s suffering from the beautiful girl’s complex. She doesn’t realize how amazing she is. But I don’t know how to prove to her that she must not be afraid of me, to overcome her doubts. She’s the kind of girl you must fight for… Especially when you know she likes you, but sometimes makes her hold back.

>>>My comments: The feelings she had in the past don’t apply to the moment right now

He is in denial about her feelings for him. A woman’s feelings aren’t “set in stone”. Even though she had feelings in the past, they don’t apply to this moment right now.

He is desperate, puts her up in this pedestal like she’s the princess. He feels like a knight who must be persistent and fight for her in order to win her attraction back.

However, this girl feels smothered, she is tired of all his messages. Because being persistent like you’re in a 80s romantic comedy doesn’t work.

It only makes her feel overwhelmed, and completely destroys any attraction she had left for you.

That’s why whenever a girl breaks up with you, or says she wants “space”… you should implement “no contact” immediately.

Continuing the Conversation…

Girl: Please understand that between us has ended. Don’t be in denial… I’ve repeated myself many times already.  If I considered that maybe we will see each other in the future, now I do not want that anymore.

I feel tired of this and I want you to stop writing or calling me again.  I’m making myself clear here.

Guy: I’m not in denial. I understood you. But in this whole game of “what to do?”… I feel lost. Especially when it’s clear that you still feel something for me.

I really don’t want to lose you. You’re not just a friend, my friends don’t kiss me like you do.  And I don’t know what to do to be “good”. Because I know you haven’t given up on how you feel about me. Do you know what I mean?

Sorry for the stupid mistakes I do. I just wish you could see through my eyes and see how extraordinary you are.

Look, I’ll get back to giving you the space you need. And then I would like to get out together for a while. I, a guy you like, and you, a girl I like. And let’s see if we get along.

>>>My Comments: When a Guy Asking “What’s Wrong” Pushes Her Away More

• Girl tells Guy she wants space.
• Guy asks “what’s wrong” and keeps messaging her to find out what’s wrong. 
• Girl keeps telling Guy she wants space.
• Guy says “but tell me what I should do?!”
• Guy is confused on “what to do” — but the answer is is to do nothing, and give the girl some damn space. 

Instead, guy proceeds pummel her with more text messages about his feelings and about how he thinks she’s amazing. 

He also keeps pursuing her and proposes they have wine in the future.

The answer here is to stop messaging her completely and give her that space.

Yes, this is hard to do when you have the impulse to reach out at her. You sense she’s fading and you think you have to do stuff to get her back.

However, doing more stuff and crowding her space will push her further away.  She needs space from you to create a chance for her feelings to come back.

But when you feel weakened as a man and you get desperate, you are unable to endure a week or two of no contact, and you reach out.

Then she keeps losing attraction because you aren’t emotionally strong at your core.

She wants a man who doesn’t freak out when she stops giving him attention. 

Don’t be a sailboat flailing in a hurricane, be a man who is like a mountain and stays put in spite of the high winds.

Continuing the Conversation…

Girl: You don’t have to do anything and you have done nothing wrong. You’re wrong now because you don’t understand what I’m saying. What was between us is over and I want it to stay that way.

I like you as a friend and nothing more. I gave up because I no longer have feelings. It doesn’t have to do with you… and I discussed these things, but it seems you don’t want to understand them.

I don’t want to see each other anymore. I don’t want anything from you or us anymore. Nor do I want to repeat myself so many times.

Guy: I’m sorry you feel that way. I just don’t understand what I did wrong for you want to run away from me like that. I thought you really liked me.

Girl: I liked you, but I don’t anymore . You did nothing wrong, I just don’t feel it anymore. 

This thing is simple and it happens between people. Yes I was very honest with you from the beginning. When I didn’t feel it, I told you. And you have to leave it that way.

Guy: I don’t understand why you didn’t talk to me to try and fix it. I mean you gave up on me so fast …

Girl: Because we have nothing to solve. I don’t feel what I need to feel. And it’s a very normal thing that can happen. 

You probably haven’t had to deal with this before… but you have to let go if the other person tells you they just don’t feel it.

Guy: I just didn’t think it would happen to us. I felt we were building something special.

Look, I don’t want to be your friend. If you ever change your mind let me know.  I hope if we go out for a while you won’t refuse me. It’s a nice holiday we can have I would like to get out for a little wine after a while.

But, I’m interested in you in more than friends way. And the way you look at me is not like a friend, whether you want to accept it or not. So if you change your mind let me now.

I hope you will understand this sometime and I hope you know that I just wanted to make you happy. Good evening.

>>>My Comments: Guy should have walked away 25 messages ago

Guy still thinks Girl still has feelings “whether she accepts it or not”. You can’t apply feelings a girl had for you in the past to the present moment.  Guy should have walked away like 25 messages ago.

Continuing the Conversation…

Girl: I understand very well that you want more. On the other hand I know very well what I feel and I am sure of everything I feel now about all the things in my life now.

And I hope one day you will understand that too. Because I don’t want to repeat myself anymore. Good evening to you too.

Me : OK, maybe in the future we’ll find out what’s going on with us. Sorry
that you only have to look at me like a fucking cancer, really do not think I deserved it. If you ever miss me you now how to get to me. Bye

>>>My Comments: He’s starting to get butthurt

Twisting her words in a passive aggressive butthurt manner. Not good. Don’t be bitter. She doesn’t hate you, she just doesn’t feel the spark and wants some space!

Continuing the Conversation…

Her: I don’t look at you in the way you said it and I don’t want to think of you that way and I am sorry that I needed to be drastic in what I write, but I have repeated myself too many times. I thought you understood from the beginning what I said, and I know it’s hard to figure it out.

Me: Well sorry, but that’s how you made me feel. At the first sign that I wanted to be there for you, you threw me away, without thinking about how I would feel

I know you’ve figured it all out, but I hope you realize how fucked up you are. Look if you ever understand, I hope you do, reach out to me. Sorry I’m tough on you but that’s the truth.

You get your face off the treatment and you think you look like hell.
I lied, even on your worst day you are still beautiful to me, I would not let a day pass without telling you this, or without making you smile. If you ever understand this, call me.

Bye

>>>My Comments: Come on man… acting butthurt isn’t helping your cause… walk away already…

One Day Later: He tries to apologize to the Girl

Guy: Hey, I feel bad that I snapped at you. You don’t have to answer me. I don’t want to ruin your night. If you ever feel like seeing me sometime, call me. Good evening. Hope you’re not too angry with me …

Her: I am not, but I would like to stop repeating myself. Good evening

Me: I’m not perfect, just like you. What can I say more? No hard feelings and if you ever fell like it. Give me a call. Kiss you

Her: No one is perfect. But those discussions do no me no good, and neither for you… and we shouldn’t have them anymore

Me: I know you … I know you like me, I like you. And you’re a girl for whom if you don’t fight, you don’t deserve to exist, I don’t know if you understand … But it’s ok.

Look if after a while you want to see me, or have a change of heart call me.
I hope you’re good at the rest, beautiful. Maybe we’ll see each other at the *local event* if you have time. If not. When you are ready, from all points of view.

Key Mistakes

1. Not knowing how feelings work.

   Remember feelings aren’t set in stone. While she felt attraction for you in the past, she doesn’t in this very moment. This also means you can make her feelings go up again. But ONLY if you first give her space and go no contact. 

2. Not going no contact and pestering her with text messages when she needs space.

   Read More: How space creates attraction

3. Pouring your heart out, putting her up in a pedestal, and telling her how amazing you think she is.

   Being “more romantic” doesn’t raise her attraction level. while romance can be nice in a relationship where attraction is already there, being “more romantic” when there’s lack of attraction doesn’t do you any good.

4. Acting bitter, butthurt, and passive aggressive.

   You want to leave her on good terms. If you act immature and lose your composure, it screams out that you’re weak as a man and it will be very very hard to re-attract her back.

This is my conversation with the student after he sent me his text conversation with his ex.

As you can tell, he is desperate for reassurance that he’ll get his ex girlfriend back.

Also, he’s in the state of mind that he must “do something” in order to re-attract his ex girlfriend back. This is called the “Illusion of Action”.

As you will see, I repeat to him again and again that the plan of action to get his ex girlfriend back,  is also the path to recovery in case he doesn’t.

This is very important because it clears up any indecisiveness if you’re in limbo on whether to pursue your ex girlfriend or whether to move on. 

And if you’re wondering “should I go no contact with ex girlfriend to get her back”… this advice is for you.

Onwards to the conversation…

Begin Conversation

Frankie:
She’s annoyed from repeating the same thing over and over again
messages to her should have stopped like 35 messages ago. She doesn’t like you in this moment, she did in the past.

Student:
Do you honestly think that I still have a chance to get back with her? Since than I applied the no contact

Frankie:
A very dim chance, very unlikely, but the same thing you do to give you the best chance, is the same thing you would do to move on and recover… so at least you have a clear path of what to do.

Student:
What can I do to get her back? To increase my chances. She gave me a like on Facebook this past week. I mean in this very unlikely chance that I have. How do I turn things in my favor?

I’m scared because I’m so stupid at this. And I just want her back to do it right. I’m sorry that I sound like a fucking loser. But I’m in desperate need of your help to get her back.

Frankie:
Again, the answer to “what can I do” is to do nothing. Give her space and go no contact. Don’t view her stories as she can tell who views. Don’t like her posts or reach out at all. Really the best chance of getting her back is to first move on.

In your situation right now, be prepared to go at least a month of no contact

Student:
OK so 1. At least one month of no contact 2. Give her the space to recreate attraction 3. Don’t give in to my need of contacting her.

And if we meet at a social event… or in a group of common friends. Or even by mistake on the street…. How/what to do, to act so I don’t blow it?

Frankie:
If you bump into each other by accident, say hi, but keep it short and sweet

Student:
So give her a very low level of attention?

Frankie:
If you bump into each other in a social setting, keep it low attention yes.

Student:
And a common friend of mine. Closer to me than to her, said he is gonna try and put in a good word for me with her… Think it helps?

Frankie:
The common friend shouldn’t do that. It won’t help and probably make it worse. You need full no-contact and that includes sending representatives to put in a good word on your part. (She will totally know you sent them to do it)

Student:
It’s just that. I know I did wrong. The rule of attraction and all that. I just thought that if  I open up in a way that I never done before. She’ll understand.

I want to do the right thing. Please tell me, honestly, it’s not too late for me to save this.  I just want the help I need to get back the girl I love. You get me?

Frankie:
You already opened up way too much for her. My advice is the same: Follow the “no contact” plan

You still have a very strong urge to reach out, which is why you’re rationalizing reasons to text her and make some kind of “move”. “If there’s this one powerful thing I could do or say to her to make her understand… then I could give myself a chance.” 

But again the thing to “DO” is “nothing” — to go no contact.

She already understands you’re desperate and that you’re so into her, but any sort of contact to her sends  her the message that you don’t understand what SHE is going through, and that she needs space.

Student:
Yes I do. But my urge to get her back is strong enough to do as you can guide me to get her back.

Frankie:
Good, then follow the instructions I laid out

Student:
Do I honestly still have a fighting chance to get back with her? Respecting your rules, of course.

And not doing anything that I did until now. I told you the hole truth with details so.  You can help me, like you would do to a doctor, if you understand the analogy

Frankie:
A very low chance. Get plenty of “rest” and start recovery now.

Student:
Low, but high enough to fight for it? 😀

Frankie:
Fight is not the right word as that implies you doing stuff.

Student:
I mean do you think that I’m in her head, does she think about me, or reconsidering anything?

Frankie:
Whether it’s high, low, or zero, the plan of action is the same.

Student:
Sorry this is all new and odd to me.

Frankie:
Only focus on what you have to do. Whether your chances are high or low doesn’t change what I recommend you to do. (Go no contact and recover)

Student:
I’m asking you because I’m looking for reassurance that she is still interested.  That I’m not insane, you know. I don’t want to become a Casanova or something like that. I just want her back…

Frankie:
You’re in need of validation. She’s not interested right now.

Student:
And these recommendations are all towards getting her back, right? Yes I am in need of validation. Will she be, if I go by the rules? What do you think?

Frankie:
Part of recovery is being more accepting of not getting her back and being independent of her validation. Re-learning to generate positive emotions on your own. Ironically this gives you the best chance of getting her back.

Student:
It s so hard for me to understand relationships. It’s like nothing is ever right. Not even the right thing.

I honestly hope to God she ll come back. I so hope that I have a chance.
The thought of her possibly being with someone else, kills me you know.

Do you thing the age gap is a big deal, me 25. Her 35.

Frankie:
If you act like a needy puppy, it doesn’t matter how old you are, attraction will be lost either way. Focus on yourself and independent of what she does.

Student:
And that’s how I’ll get her back?

Frankie:
The plan is already laid out. You just feel you need more reassurance of getting her back, and there isn’t.

Student:
OK. So for now just keep on ignoring her and take care of myself and… Hope for the best?

Frankie:
Yes

Student:
OK. And can I keep you updated about her? Like if she’s checking my profile and stuff like that

Frankie:
Only if she contacts you. Don’t overthink her checking your profile, it’s not a big deal… until she contacts you.

Student:
And about the thing about showing her that you’ve been OK without her. How do I do that if I’m in no contact?

Frankie:
If you contact her, you show her you’re unable to be in no contact (and not ok without her). However, you’re still thinking about what she’s thinking, focus more on yourself.

Student:
In what time period would you expect her contacting me, approximately?

Frankie:
Don’t expect it and just focus on yourself.

Student:
No I’m asking in the idea that in a email you said while I’m in no contact prove to her your good.  But how if I’m in no contact? Do you understand what I’m asking?

Frankie:
You show her by not making mistakes anymore. Also if you go out and meet other people, and those statuses or posts go on IG, then she’ll naturally notice. But mainly by eliminating your mistakes

Student:
So is best to not think she will contact me. But this whole thing is in the idea of getting her back

Frankie:
By assuming it’s over and recovering, it’s the best way to get her back in the future,

Student:
Usually how long does it take? From what I told you, do you thing she’ll contact me?

Frankie:
Don’t think about the timeline. It’s unpredictable anyways.

Student:
Did I screw up big time, but you’re trying to not hurt me, by telling me the truth?

Frankie:
Yes you did screw up big time, I thought it was clear.

Student:
Yes it was. But so big time that there’s no way of saving it?

Frankie: Hard to tell whether it’s 1% or 0%.

Student:
That bad!???

Frankie:
The faster you move and try talking to other girls, the better.

Student:
I was hoping my chances were higher. Since she even gave me a like this last week. After the text messages. One more question. In my case. Is this conversation more on helping me just move on. Or on helping me getting her back?

Frankie:
Again, your path of action is the same for either case. To get her back, you move on and make yourself stronger. Then in case you don’t get her back, you are ready since you have moved on.

Student:
But to be clear. Only this part without double answers. Our conversations have the goal of getting her back. Right? 😀 😀

Frankie:
This plan of action gives you the best chance of getting her back. However if the goal of our convos was just pure recovery, it wouldn’t change a thing.  Your chances wouldn’t decrease. That’s what I’m saying.

Student:
Best chance to get her back. And recovery. Thanks for the time, and talk. I really appreciate it.

RECAP

Here are the main points…

• Attraction isn’t “set in stone”. What she felt before doesn’t apply right now. This also means her lack of attraction isn’t set in stone either — you can raise it back up.
• If you’re asking your ex “what do I do”, the answer is “do nothing”
• No contact is required to eliminate her negative feelings and allow her to regain positive feelings for you
• The no contact plan I detail in this article is both the path to getting your ex back, and the path to recover in case you don’t get her back

In particular, here’s a video that reveals a simple series of steps you can take… starting right now… to “re-attract” your ex girlfriend and change the way she feels about you:

Free Video: 1 Big “Secret” to Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back