Is your ex girlfriend sending mixed signals?
When she dumped you, it was sad, and it gave you a lot of pain.
Then you semi-recovered for a while… and slowly got back on your feet. You were getting back to the old you.
But now, she suddenly pops back into your life… causing old feelings and memories to resurface. You’re thrown back on the rollercoaster of emotions.
Now since you’re talking to her again… you feel you have a chance to get her back.
However, the way she treats you is driving you crazy.
One day she acts warmly, the next she goes cold.
You’re at a crossroads because your ex girlfriend is sending you mixed signals, and you really want to get this over with and get the relationship back.
You wish she would make up her mind and stop playing games.
One day you have a conversation with her that makes you feel like she’s getting closer to liking you.
Another day she acts cold and distant, only giving you one or two word replies… which makes you feel like you’re back in square one.
But then a few days later, when she’s “nice” to you again, you get a big sense of RELIEF!
So you decided to search the internet for answers to answer your dilemma.
If you’re in this situation, keep reading because in this article I will cover:
- Why she acts cold
- What to say to her
- How to win her over and make her want to be your girlfriend FOR SURE
Let’s start with an email from my student Tom…
***Question #1***
Ex Girlfriend Loves Me But Sending Mixed Signals
Hey Frankie, hope you are having a nice day!
My girlfriend recently broke up with me four days ago because she was insecure, stressed, and we broke up on good terms.
Before the breakup, our relationship was great and she would be happy to see me but now when she sees me she is in pain and her mood about life has turned pessimistic.
I tried to convince her not to break up but she said she just doesn’t want a relationship right now and we both cried and she ended the conversation with “I love you”.
As for now I’ve accepted to just being really close friends with her… but I want to get back into her life as her man and her as my woman.
She doesn’t stop texting me, but gets really nervous and panics whenever I try to bring up the relationship conversation and us getting back together.
She even had a panic attack yesterday and told me she is scared I’m going to leave her.
The main thing is she loves me still but doesn’t want a relationship.
I want to be in a relationship again with her Frankie, and I’ve read what you wrote about going “no contact”, but my mind is really clouded right now, how do I go about this?
– Tom
>>>My Comments
Hey Tom, if you want to eventually get her back as your “official” girlfriend, then you should make a shift in the way you interact with her.
It is very common for a girl to like a guy but then gets turned off whenever he brings up the relationship conversation.
She likes him a lot, but just not enough to “commit” to being his girlfriend.
What the man must do here is to never bring up “relationship topics” and only focus on having fun with her in the moment.
I know that you want certainty and confirmation that she’s your girlfriend. You want to breathe a sigh of relief knowing she’s all yours.
But whenever you try to rush the “relationship label”, you push the girl away because her freedom feels diminished.
And even though she feels attraction for you, the “relationship” isn’t progressing because it’s like you’re stepping on both the brake and the accelerator.
What’s worse is that pretty soon, the accelerator will stop working because the brake is too overwhelming, and she’ll lose attraction…
Unless you change course.
Here’s what you need to change:
From now on, never bring up the relationship label, talk about feelings, or get into any “serious” conversation topics about you and her.
Instead, only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up, without wanting to lock her down into a serious relationship.
Only hang out with her in a fun, casual way, and let her be the one who brings up becoming “official”.
Create fun opportunities that lead to sex, without bringing up feelings or putting a label on it. Then slowly over time, the woman’s attraction will increase, and she will bring up “relationship talk”.
That’s how you make her your girlfriend.
Moving on to question #2…
***Question #2***
Ex Girlfriend Sending Mixed Signals
Hey Frankie,
Thanks for helping a lot of us out there. We will never forget you.
I have a particular situation to tell you.
Thanks in advance for going through it!
I’ve been getting closer to my ex girlfriend again, and we are almost behaving like we used to when we were officially together.
Before covid, I spent weeks at her place and we were behaving almost like a couple.
Now that covid has changed our lives, I haven’t seen her in almost 2 months. But we have regular calls everyday for hours, we even call each other with the same nicknames we used to, and we are very intimate. I feel that we’re going in the right direction.
However I still feel she wants her space. I’m in a country that is in lockdown, so I can’t see anyone.
She, on the contrary, is in a country not in a full lockdown and she keeps on seeing friends and new people. When she does so, she absolutely disappears for hours and doesn’t reply to me almost at all.
I’m pretty sure she’s not hooking up. But I really feel bad and left out when she doesn’t reply.
When I used to go out with friends (before covid), she was the one acting all needy and almost jealous in a way.
If I didn’t reply to her, or didn’t let her know what I was up to, she would get upset. So I ended up giving her what she wanted.
In conclusion, when she goes out she is not treating me like she wanted me to treat her when I went out in the past.
What should I do? Talk about it with her and get upset?
In addition how can I make her feel jealous while I’m quarantined without seeing anyone?
I feel powerless in this covid situation.
Frankie, thanks a billion times! I will keep supporting you a lot!
– Gary
>>>My Comments
Hey Gary
My first reaction is that talking for hours every day through the phone is too much and will definitely crowd her space.
Sure, on the surface she might act like everything’s ok, but her need for space is the true indicator of being overwhelmed.
Even if there was no pandemic, I wouldn’t recommend talking every day.
And don’t text her multiple texts if she’s not replying or that will overwhelm her even more.
Instead, I recommend to create space in between calls, and afterwards wait for her to initiate contact.
So right now don’t do anything, and let her come to you. If she doesn’t reach out, it’s ok if you go no contact for 3 days, or even a week. It’s perfectly ok and I even recommend it.
However, you should definitely not give her a talk about it, as it will only push her away.
The solution is to create space and focus on yourself.
Table of Contents
Only Focus on What You Can Control
She’s going cold on you during lockdown and this is making you feel powerless because you don’t feel in control.
Now whenever you feel stress over things you can’t control, it’s called suffering.
While this suffering makes you feel weak and crappy as a man, it is a sure sign from the universe to reclaim your power back.
See, you are leaving your mind’s “door” open for this woman’s opinion of you to influence your emotions.
This is a boundary problem that must be remedied.
How do you fix it? By setting a strong boundary that closes that door… and then only allow access to people who value you and give you attention.
By letting go of things you can’t control, you also give your girlfriend more “freedom” because you aren’t constantly stressing over what she’s doing.
Which leads me to my next point…
Why She Acts Cold: You love her in a way that doesn’t allow her to feel “free”
The well-known Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh says: “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
She knows you like her, and she likes you too. That is awesome!
But if you do certain behaviors that crowd her freedom, she will back away.
Avoid behaviors like:
- Sending her too many texts and freaking out if she doesn’t respond
- Being too focused on putting a “relationship label” on things
- Bringing up “serious relationship” talk
- Acting like the possessive boyfriend who always wants to know what she’s doing
- Worrying about other men in her life
- Anything that shows her you’re serious about becoming her boyfriend and that you like her too much
She wants to spend time with you, and even fool around with you…
But she doesn’t want to get too official.
She’s afraid that if she lets you get intimate with her, you’ll fall in love too fast, you’ll want to lock her into a relationship, and then this will smother her and make crowd her freedom…
That’s why she goes cold!
If instead…
- you only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up
- without putting a label on it
- without strings attached
- without bringing up feelings and relationship talk
Her attraction for you will slowly increase overtime… until she starts asking you questions like “so, what are we?”.
If you behave in this manner, she will be the one asking to be your girlfriend.
Why? Because you are loving her in a way that allows her to feel free.
This same advice applies if you’re getting mixed signals from a girl you’re dating… whether or not she’s your ex.
Only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. Create fun dates that can lead to sex. Also make sure your dates are only about once a week, and after the date create space for her to come to you.
Step 1: You had the successful date
Step 2: At the end of the date say “text me” or “call me”
Step 3: Wait for her to reach out
What to do Now:
1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook
Click Here to Sign Up to Get This Free eBook By Email, Instantly
2. Learn how to use the “Ex Factor” to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back
