How to Deal With a Hot and Cold Ex Girlfriend

You have an ex girlfriend that you deeply care about.

But you’ve been on this “hot and cold” cycle with her that keeps repeating.

One week she’s eager to spend time with you, and you make future plans.

The next week she goes cold and wants space.

Then she warms up to you again and the cycle repeats.

Now this is overwhelming and it drains your brain. You’re getting tired of the uncertainty. This is not what a relationship is supposed to feel like… so you want closure one way or another.

In this article I’ll reveal:

• how to deal with a hot and cold ex girlfriend. 
• how to break out of the “hot and cold” cycle
• how to avoid the big “cold” spells where she fades away… while making the “hot” more permanent
• 3 specific “case studies” of a girl undergoing a “hot and cold” cycle and what to do in them 

Free Video: Little-Known Techniques to “Rewire” Your Ex’s Feelings and Make Her Want You Back

Now let’s start with the first case of dealing with a hot and cold ex girlfriend… an email from my student Kyle.

Question #1: How to Handle a Hot and Cold Ex Girlfriend and Get Her Back

Hey Frankie,

I just stumbled upon your website on how to win your ex girlfriend back.

I’ve been searching online for the past 2 years for help on getting my ex back.

I just love her so much… or maybe it’s my pride. She simply brings me happiness with her existence.

Here’s my story: I met this girl and since I laid eyes on her I knew she was the one.

However at first I was scared to act upon it because my last relationship was a total failure and it broke me.

So we were in a camp by the beach and we spent almost 4 days together.

She seemed interested in me so much yet I didnt do anything about it.

After the vacation, she reached out to me and asked to meet me.

We met, and she asked me out, which is very weird in our culture.

I refused and told her that I didn’t want any casual dating anymore. She said that she didn’t want that either, and after a couple of days we decided to be together.

We spent 4 months together… and things were awesome.

– She would talk about how how I should meet her parents…
– She would tell me how much she loved me…
– And she would say that she’s afraid that I will get bored and dump her one day…

I would reassure her and tell her how much she meant to me and how serious I was.

Things were great…

Until one day, she simply started texting less and less.

When I asked to see her she would say she had to study for her university exams.

But then a few days later she called me saying how much she loves me and misses me and said “don’t ever leave me ever”

The day after that, she asked for a break and said the commitment felt like a burden to her.

Then she started calling me every couple of days saying how much she misses me… yet whenever I ask her to meet she gives me an excuse of why she can’t.

Long story short, this hot and cold cycle kept repeating for the next several months.

During that time, she’s dated two other guys but she always reaches out to me whenever she’s lonely.

She was very close to one of those guys and for some reason it seems like she ditched him a couple of days ago.

Obviously this is what she does, she get attracted to someone, she tries everything to be with him and in a matter of months she leaves breaking his heart.

I always messed up saying how much I love her and want her back. I feel terrible about this and I am helpless.

Then I read your “7 Dangerous Mistakes” eBook and apparently I did all of them for the past two years trying to win her back.

Mistakes like begging, pleading, gifts, committing, everything. I lost my self esteem and my self respect.

I feel worthless and it hurts me so much. I tried being the best most caring and giving man I can be for her. I loved myself more when I was with her, I stopped drinking, played sports, concentrated on my business, started building a good relationship with everyone.

Now i am depressed and desperate, and I am stuck in this place where I can’t think of anything except being with her again. Can you please help me?

Best regards,
Kyle

My Reply: Here’s Why Your Ex Girlfriend Acts Hot and Cold

Hey Kyle,

It seems like this whole relationship was a big “hot and cold” rollercoaster ride.

And looks like it’s similar with her other relationships.

As you say, “she gets attracted to someone, she tries everything to be with him and in a matter of months she leaves breaking his heart”…

And the reason for this is that

1. First, she gives lots of signals that she is crazy in love with you (or whoever she’s falling in love with).

2. Secondly, those signals are so strong that it causes the guy to also start saying how much she means to him and he gets all “lovey dovey” mushy romantic.

However, this becomes too much and it crowds her space, so she decides she wants a “break”.

Then she goes to the last guy she ditched and gives him attention, because that guy moved on (after she ditched him) and his distance draws her to him.

The takeaway from all of this is to not go overboard when the girl starts getting all romantic with you.

You might get the urge to let go and demonstrate how much you care for her. You might even be planning to do an over-the-top romantic thing for her… but remember that “being romantic” and “showing her you care” isn’t what creates attraction. Romance is something that’s nice when you ALREADY have attraction.

Otherwise you may overwhelm the girl too much with texts, and smother her space.

A woman loses attraction quickly when you make the relationship too serious. Things move “too fast” and it makes her want space.

This girl has the common problem of a guy wanting a relationship “too fast” because she sends strong romantic signals to the guy and it motivates him to get her into a serious relationship.

How should you handle it if you happen to interact with her again?

• Don’t text/call her every day.
• Save the communication for face-to-face interaction.
• Make the dates about once a week

This becomes easier when you have a purpose.

When you have a “purpose”…like a career, or business to focus on, the purpose becomes your anchor, and your main focus.

So then when a girl stops giving you attention, you aren’t easily “weakened” because your emotions are grounded.

Your purpose, combined with having a life and hanging out with buddies, makes you naturally busy so you don’t have time to call or text her every day, and the gaps in between communication don’t make you worried.

You aren’t just home alone thinking about her, and wanting to send her messages.

There’s a misconception that contacting your girlfriend “more” should be done to make her more attracted… but “doing more” is often the big thing that makes a girl say “I need a break, the commitment feels like a burden”.

When the relationship is young, being too much of a “caring and giving” man is too much for her and she feels the pressure… (she feels the burden).

This is great later on, but not so early!

Don’t try to be the best “boyfriend”… instead be her “LOVER”.

If instead you create SPACE in between your interactions, then the face-to-face meeting will have a bigger impact because the gap of space in between dates actually makes her feel more attracted.

What To Do Now?

The cycle you have experienced with her over and over again is that…

1. She goes hot…
2. but then she goes cold…
3. and then she reaches out and goes hot again.

Adhere to the following guidelines to avoid her going “cold” again.

This is how you keep her longer this time…

Next time she reaches out, be playful, and say, “I assume you want to see me”, and invite her to meet up.

When you contact her again and when you hang out with her again…

• Don’t say you love her or what she means to you
• Don’t talk about the “relationship label”
• Don’t mention getting back together
• Be casual, playful
• Just focus on just having fun, and hooking up

That’s how you deal with a hot and cold ex girlfriend and avoid the “cold” spell.

Because the minute you get too romantic and start talking about “getting together” again, or if you pressure her into making the relationship more “serious”… that’s when she’ll go COLD again and fade away.

(The “Ex Factor” program shows you how to “rewire” your ex’s feelings and make her want you back)

Ok now let’s move on to another question regarding the elusive “hot and cold” ex girlfriend.

Question #2: How to Deal With a Hot and Cold Ex Girlfriend

Ok here goes nothing. Frankie I’ve been following you for a while and you’re amazing.

I’ve also been wanting to write to you but my situation is such a mess and
hard to explain and also I don’t know if you will reply.

So here goes nothing.

I have been dating my girlfriend on and off for about 5 years.

We have bickered often and always seem to argue about stuff.

We have gone out a few times, and when we do, we have a complete blast and almost always end up sleeping together…

…but almost inevitably she then tells me she’s not ready for a relationship because she has had her heart broken a few times. It’s really confusing.

This weekend I was so worried because she told me she was busy all weekend so you can imagine my brain went nuts wondering what she did… and if there was another guy involved.

She also told me she was having Friendsgiving on Sunday and I felt so hurt
I wasn’t invited.

Sometimes she tells me she wants nothing to do with me and I should stop having hope… other times we talk about the future and the hope comes back.

What am I to think?

How do I handle this hot and cold girlfriend?

Please guide me.

Thank you in advance.

– Ralph

My Reply: How to Beat Her “Hot and Cold” Cycle

Hey Ralph,

What I see here is that your ex girlfriend has these cycles where she wants to see you, so you hang out, have a good time, and sleep with each other… and that’s GREAT.

But… something then happens and she fades away, which really confuses you, and she acts like she wants nothing to do with you.

Now I have a feeling that the main problem is somewhere in how you act
after you see her and have a good time with her.

And this is a very common mistake or “trap” men fall in.

See, when things go great with your ex, you feel like you have a chance to make her your girlfriend again, so you start talking about the future, and you try to convince her to get the “relationship label” back.

You start doing these things and get into “trying to get her back” mode.

But all of these things then start pushing her away, because she feels like she’s losing her freedom. She wants to have fun with you and have sex with you, but when she feels like she’s going to get “caged” into a relationship, so she loses the attraction.

That’s why I think she becomes distant.

You’re getting some things right, but only half right. When you you go out, have a complete blast, and sleep with each other, you’re doing something RIGHT to make that happen. And that’s great!

But now, here’s the mindset shift I want you to have:

Only focus on having a good time and hooking up.

Don’t focus on trying to make her your official girlfriend.

Meaning…

• Don’t try to get the “relationship label” back
• Don’t bring up feelings
• Don’t talk about the future

Think of it this way: Don’t get into serious relationship mode or “boyfriend” mode.

Instead, stay in “LOVER” mode.

Because when you start asking questions about the future of “us” or you start asking her when are you two getting together again… that’s what ruins the attraction and pushes her away.

Keep the conversation away from having a “serious talk”… and keep things
fun, playful, and in the moment.

To actually get the “official” relationship back again, adhere to the following rules:

Don’t overtext her in between dates. Use texting mostly just for making plans to go out.

The gaps of not texting in between dates creates mystery and creates space for her to miss you.

Make her come to you and text you.

And finally, when you’ve done all this correctly… while going out, having fun, and not being needy afterwards… then her attraction level will be high enough… and she’ll be the one asking the relationship questions of “so, what are we?” or “when are we going to be a couple again?”

I write about this situation in these articles:

https://championsofmen.com/why-is-she-so-cold-and-distant-when-your-girlfriend-pulls-away-avoid-this-mistake/

https://championsofmen.com/when-a-girl-says-shes-not-ready-for-a-relationship/

https://championsofmen.com/when-your-ex-girlfriend-reaches-out-after-a-long-time-of-no-contact/

Question #3: Girlfriend Wants a Break, Went From Hot to Cold

Hey Frankie,
I just read your “7 Dangerous Mistakes” report. Fucking solid advice. I can relate.

I’m in the same situation, I received a message from my girlfriend after a few days of her not replying to messages as frequently:

“Hey sorry I’ve been out and about. Sam. I’m going to need a break I’m sorry. I’m feeling really overwhelmed with how things are progressing, and need a few days to clear my head. I’ll be in touch to chat x”.

While it’s not the worst “I need space” message. I feel she still wants something.

The night before I slept over her place, we didn’t have sex, but she was extra cuddly and gave me very long kisses and hugs in the morning, that afternoon I received the text.

I replied with “Alright. Thanks for your honesty Sarah” and left it at that.

Now I’m waiting for her response. I really like her, and I believe that I fell for a couple of the mistakes mentioned in your report… and now I’d like to get her attention back towards me.

– Sam

My Reply: Great Reply, Here’s What to Do Next

Hey Sam, 

That was a good text, because you didn’t panic. 

Girls can often act hot and cold, but often they sugarcoat things and act all sweet.

It makes you feel like everything is going just fine… until 

A pattern that I notice in cases when a girl fades away is that

1. She isn’t eager for sex

2. Yet she “sugarcoats” her loss of attraction by being extra cuddly, or acting sweet… which gives you a false sense of security right before she hits you with the “I need space” text soon after.

When that happens, give her the space and let her come to you.

I notice you got into my newsletter through this article:

https://championsofmen.com/why-is-she-so-cold-and-distant-when-your-girlfriend-pulls-away-avoid-this-mistake/

Which is perfect for your situation.

Don’t do anything until she reaches out again.

Then when she does reach out, and you’re in contact with her again, don’t get into the old patterns of texting every day or getting too romantic and serious (if you’ve been doing it).

Make sure you see her only about once a week… and in between dates you keep contact to a minimum. Create space in between the get-togethers, and save the interaction for the date.

Then when you see her:

1. Don’t talk about the “relationship label”… or even bring up if you’re still
   “together”.
2. Just focus on hanging out and having fun (fun sexy hook ups).
3. Let her be the one who brings up relationship stuff.

Okay, let’s say you messed up… you have an ex girlfriend that used to be “warm” but now she’s cold.

Here’s how to deal with a hot and cold ex girlfriend and how to get her back:

The “Exfactor” program lays out a simple series of steps you can take… starting right now… to “re-attract” your ex girlfriend and change the way she feels about you. (I review the Ex Factor here)

Learn about the Ex Factor in this video here