“Ex Girlfriend Stringing Me Along!” Set Boundaries and Stand Up For Yourself

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A girl who deeply has no interest in you, is stringing you along on a ride to nowhere.

She gives you signs that she’s interested, yet when you try taking things to the next level, you face resistance.

She always seems to have an excuse.

Is she really interested or is she just stringing you along?

Below I go through two Q&A sessions with two readers who are in this very same situation.

Question: Ex Girlfriend Stringing Me Along?

Hello Frankie

I have read few of your emails and they made me realize a lot of things

I’ll summarize my case with you:

I am in long distance relationship with a girl I have never met yet, and I feel our relationship is dying everyday.

She admitted that she stopped putting effort and doesn’t feel the same for me, but whenever I ask for a breakup she just ignores it changes the topic of conversation.

Day-by-day it feels like she’s using me for support and playing with my emotions.

We’ve been “together” for 2 years and still haven’t met.

Efforts from her side are dead, she even confessed that there are no feelings left in her… but she needs me in her life for support. (I have done so much in the past 2 years to support her, both emotionally and professionally in every way).

Now recently I’ve been chasing her for the past 2 months literally begging her to work on the relationship…

…and she told me this lame excuse:

“I’ve gotten too attached to you these past 2 years. If I keep going for 2 more years I’ll be more attached and since we aren’t able to get married it’ll hurt her more (we can’t get marry because of family issues and when we got into a relationship we committed to only stay together until one of us got married) (this was her call not mine).

Last week I tried to put an effort to visit her city but she was uninterested. I even booked tickets and at the last moment she asked me to cancel them. We then had an argument so I feel there is no logic to go and meet your so called “girlfriend” who isn’t interested in you. This incident broken me too much

Now she’s saying that we could meet in June and bringing my hopes up… but I know and I’m aware that she won’t.

She’ll probably say something like “you are a nice guy and you helped me a lot blah blah blah and I’m sorry, I’m selfish, and I’m a bad person blah blah blah”

In the past 2 years I made numerous plans to visit her but she never sounded interested and kept saying wait for perfect time and I stupidly kept waiting, kept hanging on for hope, and never forced her.

The biggest thing is that my previous relationship was also of the same nature. I found my previous girlfriend cheating on me after 2 years and we ended up as “nevermets”.

I told my current girlfriend how wounded and hurt I was from the last relationship and that I don’t want that to happen to me again or else it would be so devastating for me, but still WE ARE HERE.

One part of my heart says that “HANG ON AND WAIT FOR JUNE” and then things might get better…

The second part is saying “BRO SHE’S USING YOU CLEARLY AND DOESN’T CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS”.

Do you think my ex girlfriend is stringing me along?

I’M TOO CONFUSED

– Randy

My Reply: You Like Her Way More Than She Likes You

Hey Randy,

This part caught my attention: “I have done so much in the past 2 years to support her, both emotionally and professionally in every way”.

You’re doing so much for this girl yet she’s not doing much for you… and you’re letting it happen.

Doing more things doesn’t win you “points” here — it doesn’t get you closer to winning her over.

The reason is that if she’s not reciprocating, and you still do stuff for her, it shows you don’t respect yourself. And when you don’t respect yourself, she can’t respect you either… and it’s impossible for her to love you without respect.

When you respect yourself, you set boundaries on what you tolerate in your life, and the time, money, and energy you waste on people.

The question is do those people deserve it? If you give to anyone in spite of how they treat you, then you’re doing a poor job of setting boundaries. People need to deserve your attention, and they need to treat you first-class.

You need to take care of yourself first and value yourself as a man. Stop doing stuff for this girl. If you ever do something for a girl again, make sure she’s also doing something for you. It’s also much easier to make someone like you if they’re doing favors for you. (The Benjamin Franklin Effect)

That’s what you need to do. Trying to convince her to put more effort in the relationship doesn’t work.

You can’t use logic and reasoning here. It’s not a logical thing, it’s an emotional attraction thing. If she can’t respect you, no amount of reasoning can overcome that.

So what I suggest here is to not contact her again and find other girls to talk to. Women who are closer to you.

Considering your pattern having long distance girlfriends who end up as “nevermets”… it is a MUST to focus on girls you can meet in person.

So if there’s ever a chance with this girl, she has to change her attitude, and there has to be a face-to-face meeting.

And she has to visit you…. cause you’re not going to pay money ever again with this girl.

Further reading:

His Reply: Broke Up With Ex Because She Was Stringing Me Along

Hey my brother FRANKIE.

You made me so happy that you replied to me but I want to update you too.

Last week I called her and told her “I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU” she said OK and later called to talk sweetly to me to discuss all the things and almost pulled me back into her orbit.

But then I asked her few questions which turned the whole thing upside down for me.

The conversation went like this:

Me: Can you be sure there won’t be any third person come between us until we are together in a relationship?

She: I can’t be sure

Me: I can’t be in a relationship where I can’t be secure and sure

She: OK

I called her once more to make things 100% clear from my side to make sure there weren’t any misunderstandings.

and this is how it went –

She clearly said “if I am talking to someone and started liking them how can I stop that?”

And then I said “if we are in a relationship and you are talking to someone and you allow them to come between us then that relationship doesn’t mean anything to you”.

Bro I’m feeling much lighter and what not. Feeling so relieved 🤗❤️ what a shithead I was talking to. 

It’s the sixth day no contact from both sides

I think this is what she was wanted, she was already distancing herself from me and even told me that she’s doing it to detach herself from me, but she was never up for breaking up because she was just STRINGING ME ALONG and she pushed me so hard that I had to pull the trigger.

I’m not feeling good about it at all, we were codependent.

I live alone now I don’t have no one to talk to. There’s no one to share anything and it’s affecting me. I don’t know what to do 😔.

Please reply brother, your words can make me feel good and better.

Let me know if I did the right thing or not.
😊❤️

My Reply: Letting Her String You Along Makes Her Disrespect You More

Yeah I agree Randy, you did the right thing.

Even if there’s no other guy to worry about, the way she treats you is bad enough. Like that’s the main point.

Ironically, letting an ex girlfriend string you along makes her disrespect you even more. If you let her walk over you and you never stand up for yourself, she’ll deeply RESENT you for being so weak.

But once you make a shift to start setting boundaries, it gains the respect of women and improves their behavior towards you.

However, right now the main focus is to detach yourself from her.

It’s going to be tough though.

You were co-dependent and still are… which is even more of a reason to go through this and detach yourself from her.

See, when you get too dependent on a girl, it causes you to sacrifice yourself in order to keep her validation.

You feel resistance to distance yourself from her because it creates a void of validation and the positive feelings that you get when you share and talk to her daily. So it’s easier to put up with bad behavior from her and mistreatment,
since you’re hooked to her validation.

That’s why detaching yourself right now is so important.

One because you stand up for yourself and your needs.

Two because you re-learn to generate positive emotions, but on your own without the girl.

Yes you will feel alone and empty for a time but after a while you’ll be ok on your own… or you’ll find new people to talk to. As you go through this transition period I want you to envision that light at the end of the tunnel.

Talking to me right now also gave you a boost because you’re alone. (I guess you can think of me like training wheels on a bike)

The goal is to become independent.

Because if you’re able to be happy on your own, then you’ll come across more attractive to the next girl you meet,
since you aren’t desperate to get her to stay.

Frankie

Ok now, in the next story, the guy has a girl who’s stringing him along. She is not an ex, but a girl he’s kinda “seeing”. And they haven’t gotten intimate yet. 

This girl spends a lot of time with him every day, and seems to like him… but she doesn’t want to take it to the next level. She turns down all his kiss attempts… saying she isn’t quite ready yet.

Then the revelation comes out when she confesses that she’s still not over her ex.

Question: Is This Girl Stringing Me Along?

Hi Frankie,

I’m Albert and I want some simple but solid girl advice from a pro. lol

So I’ve been seeing a girl from work for almost 2 months and in the beginning things were good.

Just to get her to go on a date with me I had to come off as a friend and once our second date happened, I made my intention clear, and she seemed ok with it as long as we kept our personal life outside of work.

We continued to go out and after a few weeks we would text each other babe and boo. She even introduced me to her best friends.

But when ever I would try to get intimate with her by aiming for a kiss, she would pull back and say she is not ready and is waiting for the right moment.

So I gave her time and we continued to go out. Some dates we went on she would pay, saying “you treat me good so let me do the same”.

Then when I started going back to school, she even offered to do my homework a couple of times. So she was showing some good signs of interest.

The problem is we never took it to the next level which was kissing… which could then lead to other affectionate things.

At first I would think maybe she’s not into me like that. However she always texts me first, and is always looking for new ways to hang out like proposing movie nights at my place.

So one day I asked her what’s holding her back and then the truth came out: She’s still not over her ex.

At this point I felt that I had to take a step back and give her space so she can decide what she wants.

I think that now explains why she was so hesitant to kiss me. She’s probably still loyal to her ex in a secretive way, while hoping she’ll get back together with him.

I ended up telling her how much I like her but we can’t grow stronger unless she moves on from him.

So I told her she needs time alone to decide what and who she wants in her life.

What’s your advice on this whole thing? Wait or just leave it alone?

– Albert

My Reply: If She’s Still Not Over Her Ex, Give Her Space to Sort Her Feelings Out

Hey Albert, yeah at this point it’s a good idea to pull back and give her space.

Refocus your mind on other things like other friends and talk to other girls too.

Don’t contact this girl unless she initiates first.

See, whatever feelings she has for you get magnified when you remove your attention… not by telling her how much you like her. If she feels your feelings for her are “guaranteed”, then it’s less likely she’ll chase you.

But women want to feel like they have to put effort to win you over. So if she thinks you’re no longer a “sure thing” anymore, then she starts second guessing her doubts about you, and she might regret not getting intimate with you when she had the chance.

The Plan

Remove your attention and go no contact unless she initiates first. When she reaches out in the future, she’s gotta be eager to see you… otherwise, don’t put much effort and keep going about your own thing (and talk to other women).

If she does seem eager to talk, arrange a dinner/movie night at your place (and go for the kiss again of course).

Make sure you remove the pressure: No ultimatums, no relationship labels, no talking about feelings (your’s or her’s), and don’t ask her if she’s decided on you or her ex. Your goal is just to hang out, have fun, and hook up if possible.

His Reply: Looks Like She’s Back With Her Ex

Hey Frankie thanks for the advice. Sad to say that I creeped on her Instagram yesterday and she posted a video story of her hugging a guy with tattoos on his hand. I’m going to assume that it’s her ex and based off her comments on her pictures it’s some thug .

I didn’t think she moved on that fast after everything I’ve done for her and showed how much I cared about her.

What bothers me is she didn’t give herself time to be alone to decide on him or me.

Makes me wonder if they’ve been talking while I was around. I guess at this point I just have to move on.

I don’t know how many times they are going to keep breaking up but If she is keeping him and that’s her style of guys… I’m going to pass because I’m better than that. I work 3 jobs, still workout 3-4 days a week… and going to school.

I know how to treat a lady to a fancy dinner so I’m not cheap. I do armed security at clubs so girls are always hitting on me but the problem is I’m looking for a relationship and they all just want to have fun.

I guess I’m not good enough to be taken seriously. I have no problem having fun with them but when I get attached they seem to leave.

My Reply: Value Yourself and Set Boundaries on Who to Give Your Time to

Hey Albert,

That’s the right attitude.

When you value yourself, you set boundaries on who to give your time and energy.

If a girl isn’t giving you attention, then wasting time and energy looking at her pics doesn’t do you any good.

So it’s time to move on and refocus your energy on women who actually value you.

Also…

  • Showing her how much you care about her
  • Taking her to fancy dinners
  • Allowing her to win you over and commit to a relationship

^She has to earn all of this!

Make sure she earns all those good deeds from you. Make sure she is also doing things for you too and reciprocating. Stop rewarding her if she only gives you second-class treatment.

When you value yourself, and you have other female options, you also aren’t too quick to jump into a relationship.

It’s logical and well-meaning to want to start a relationship but the problem is that if you try to do it too fast with a girl, it can smother her freedom and push her away.

See, there has to be a stage where at first you have fun for a bit without taking things seriously, and over time the girl’s attraction increases until she starts asking “so what are we?” “where is this going?”. That’s when you know you can make it official.

But let the woman come up with the idea.

You actually have a higher chance of being her boyfriend if you communicate you just want fun, than if you communicate you want to be her boyfriend.

So what to do now? Leave this girl and don’t contact her again unless she reaches out in the future.

Even if you get news that she broke up with the guy, wait for her to come to you.

In the meantime, though, focus your time and energy on other women… and only those who deserve it.

Frankie

What to do Now:

1. Read my FREE “7 Dangerous Mistakes That Stop You From Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back” eBook

no contact rule with ex girlfriend after a breakup

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2. Learn How to Use the “Ex Factor” to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Take 5 minutes to watch this video that teaches you a few little-known techniques to re-wire your ex’s feelings and make her want you back.