How to Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Dear friend, you have landed on the “get your ex back” category of Champions of Men.

• If your girlfriend is starting to act distant towards you… or
• If your ex girlfriend broke up with you and you want to get her back… or 
• If you’re trying to reconnect with your ex girlfriend after a long time of no contact…

…then you may find some articles below that resonate with your situation.

When your girlfriend breaks up with you, there are a number of things you must keep in mind, if you want to get her back. 

In particular, there are 6 elements.

6 Elements of Getting Your Ex Back (Things to Beware, Things to Keep in Mind, Things You’ll Encounter)

Right now you’re in a storm of emotions that forces you to figure out a way to get your ex girlfriend back.

Feeling that you need to “do something” is called… “The Illusion of Action”.

1. The Illusion of Action

The illusion of action is when you desperately feel you are losing something and you get the instinct to chase it.

In your case, you get the illusion of action when a girl pulls away from you and you get the urge to “do something” to win her back.

This causes you to pursue her by sending more messages, pestering her with questions, asking “what’s wrong”, and trying to convince her with logic to take you back.

One way the illusion of action gets manifested is in the form of the grandiose gesture.

What is the grandiose gesture? You see it in cheesy romantic movies all the time.

The grandiose gesture is when you feel you have to make this “big move” to  decisively win the girl back… that’s the intention anyway. 

So you plan out this elaborate attempt to win her love back, by either buying her a gift, sending her flowers, revealing your feelings for her, or trying to lock her down into a more serious relationship as a “Hail Mary” attempt to keep her from fading.

Thinking that you have to make this grandiose gesture move is what the illusion of action does to you.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t fix the fundamental reason she is losing attraction for you…

And when your girlfriend is losing attraction because you are doing too much and crowding her space… the corrective action is to step back and give her space.

That’s why you must apply the no contact rule.

2. The No Contact Rule

When a girl breaks up with you, it is critical that you implement the no contact rule.

Yes, you fear you’re going to fade away in her thoughts if you just “let her go”…

But this fear is what stops you from creating the space she needs to gain feelings for you again.

When the reason she lost attraction was due to

• Pursuing her too much
• Overwhelming her when she needed space to sort her feelings out
• Not stepping back and letting her come to you
• Becoming weakened when she pulled away her validation from you
• Desperately “doing more” as an attempt to get her attention back, which only pushed her away more
• Acting needy, clingy, desperate, possessive — behaviors that make you a “weak boy” in her eyes
• Not having a strong masculine core and emotional strength to not chase

…then it’s critical to create space for both you and her.

Space for her because she first needs space to fall in love again.

Space for you because it stops you from impulsively sending needy unattractive texts that sink you deeper in the hole.

Take this time away from her to gather yourself and re-learn to be feel good without having the girl .

Become independent of her. Detach your self-esteem from her validation, and re-learn to be happy again without needing her reassurance that “everything’s going to be alright”.

Create your own reassurance… give yourself your own permission.

Moving on like this is not only the path to growing into a mature attractive man who can get the girl back, but it’s also the same path you take to move on and recover in case you don’t get her back.

3. Whenever There’s Competition For a Girl… Women Are More Attracted to Men Whose Feelings Are Unclear

Is there another guy in the picture? Are you afraid that your girl is starting to like him?

Whenever two guys compete for the same girl, the guy who sends her good morning texts every day, buys her gifts, showers her with compliments, and lets her KNOW that he’s there for her and that his love for her is guaranteed… 

…is the guy who ends up losing.

The girl’s thoughts will wander away from that guy, and towards the guy who is less of a sure thing.

Keep this in mind, ESPECIALLY if you are the guy who smothered the girl with attention and drove her away.

If you made your girlfriend lose attraction by being the needy guy, no contact will help you because…

4. When You Go No Contact You Create a “Pattern Interrupt”

See, when you regularly interact with a girl, a pattern of interaction develops.

This pattern may consist of how often you text her, how much she texts you, who invests more in the interaction, how dependent you are on her validation, how strong your “frame” is… among other things.

To your girlfriend this pattern helps form an image of you. It’s the way she sees you in her mind.

And when your ex girlfriend is used to a pattern where you act weak, needy, and unattractive, the only way to get her back is by destroying that pattern and replacing it with a new one. 

No contact for an extended period of time creates a “pattern interrupt” that breaks this pattern and aims to “reset” the girl’s image of you… and replace it with new image.

As you create space and go no contact with your ex, she may start wondering what you’re up to, and why you aren’t sending her all these messages like before.

She’ll wonder if she still has power over you. Are you still weak, or have you grown into a man with a stronger, grounded core?

I mean there’s a reason she was your girlfriend in the past. You were compatible and she loved you… but somewhere along the way you lost your masculine edge and got knocked off balance.

She’s secretly rooting for you to be strong and attractive again. 

When she starts wondering about you and you are on her mind again, she’ll put herself in your orbit.

And that’s when she’ll reach out.

Most likely she’ll be indirect and ask how you’ve been… or she’ll ask you a question about something. Maybe she’ll even say she misses you, made a mistake, and wants you back (it can happen)… but most likely she’ll indirectly reach out to jump into your orbit.

Now you might be wondering…

How does a woman realize you’ve changed when you’re going no contact and not even interacting with her?

Good question.

Your ex girlfriend notices you’ve changed by the fact that you’re not interacting with her like before.

So basically, the pattern interrupt of “no contact” goes “cold turkey” on your past unattractive behaviors.

You break the old interaction “routine” you used to do.

The absence of the needy behaviors you used to do is what she notices that has changed.

Behaviors like… texting her every day, pouring out your feelings, acting needy, clingy, smothering her… etc.

That’s why it’s so important to recover and grow emotionally strong before you interact with her again… so your feelings for her don’t make you act weak.

And then she reaches out and you interact with her… you won’t try to get her back immediately. (Remember: After a breakup, go no contact UNTIL she reaches out. Don’t ignore her if she reaches out.)

When she calls or texts you and you engage in conversation with her, you don’t just jump back into being the old needy wuss. You don’t say “oh boy she’s giving me attention again, let’s try to win her back by clinging on and smothering her again!” If you do that, she’ll pull away again and you’ll be back in square one.

Instead of trying to win her back right away, when she reaches out…

• Don’t talk about feelings,
• Don’t talk about past relationship issues or mistakes
• Don’t bring up the relationship label

Only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. (As Coach Corey Wayne likes to say)

Your goal is to boost her attraction back up, and these are the attractive behaviors that accomplish this goal.

Assume you’re dating her for the first time.

When you date a girl for the first time, you don’t try to be her boyfriend on the first date, right?

You also don’t bring up relationship topics or ask her where you stand with her.

You only focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up.

Which this leads me to the 5th element of getting a girl back…

5. Displaying “Lover” Qualities Versus “Boyfriend” Qualities

Now this is pretty sneaky… but very common.

In fact, this might be your specific problem. The information under this section can be the “fix” to getting your ex girlfriend back…  so pay close attention to the next paragraph.

To better explain it, I give you the story below:

• Boy starts seeing a girl, and he only wants to have fun with her, at first
• Girl becomes attracted and she wants to be his girlfriend
• Boy agrees — boy and girl start a relationship
• Things are moving a bit too fast so girl pulls back a bit and needs space
• Boy is worried about losing her, so he does everything he can to keep her in the relationship
• The behavior boy displays crowds the girl’s space and she fades away even more

Now let’s take a step back and ask… how did boy first attract girl?

This attitude and behavior is what creates attraction… while trying to pressure a woman to stay in a relationship because you’re worried about losing her is what destroys attraction. It only crowds her space and makes her feel like she’s losing her freedom.

So what should have the boy done? He should have gone back to the beginning and focused on just fun

If a girl wants a break, or even a break up, allow her without making a fuss, blowing up her phone, or begging for her back.

ATTRACTION is what really matters, not the official “status” or “label” of the relationship.

If a girl is gaining attraction again, do not worry. The relationship will come because she will want it.

Furthermore, the qualities of freedom, enjoying the moment, are all “LOVER” qualities (what the boy did at the beginning)… while the qualities of wanting commitment, pushing for a relationship, being worried about the relationship label, are all “BOYFRIEND” qualities (what boy tried to do when the girl was fading).

Now both qualities aren’t intrinsically good or bad… it just depends on the timing and on what you and the girl want.

Boyfriend qualities are a turn off for a woman when she’s at a stage in her life where she wants new experiences and freedom. She’s not looking to get serious too fast.

But once the relationship is serious and the girl wants to commit, boyfriend qualities are now warranted.

The problem is when you want to rush the romantic fantasy when you barely just met her. When you want to quickly make her your one and only, ride a white horse into the sunset, and and live happily ever after after

That’s why when you first meet a girl, you have a higher chance of making her your girlfriend later if she thinks you just want to “bang” and have fun.

6. Being a Man on Your Purpose

One way to become emotionally grounded and avoid getting wussy little-boy feelings is to be on your purpose.

Masculine energy is all about purpose.

When you’re a man on your purpose…

• Your mind is focused on your path… your mission in life.
• You make that mission more important than winning the approval of a girl who won’t give you attention.
• When you have a purpose and you’re often focused on achieving goals that are important to you… and you set that purpose above all else… then you’re less likely to weaken whenever a girl goes distant or loses interest.
• Your thoughts don’t get monopolized by just one girl (oneitis).
• Your purpose is so important to you that you avoid wasting time and emotional energy on women who aren’t interested.
• You are kept busy and don’t have time to sit around feeling sad waiting for the girl to message you

Focus on what you can control.

Stressing over something beyond your control is the definition of suffering.

If you feel yourself stressing out over a woman’s opinion of you, shift back towards your purpose and re-ground your masculine core.

Now maybe your purpose is to make a lot of money or to get ripped at the gym.

Maybe you have a higher purpose of getting good with women in general.

But your purpose should NEVER be to conquer that one individual girl.

The Big Mistake Men Always Make is to Make the Woman Their Purpose

This is something I always see all the time and I’ve experienced it myself.

Whenever men get strong feelings for a girl they tend to make HER their purpose.

Doing so, they abandon the path they were previously on.

They become ungrounded, and lose their anchor to their masculine core.

Now they are more vulnerable to acting needy, because their self-esteem is dependent on the girl’s validation. 

When your core is strong and grounded, you are like a mountain of solid rock. What does a mountain do when a storm hits? It just stays there. It doesn’t budge.

But when you lose your masculine core, you become a sailboat in a hurricane, at the mercy of the winds that hit you.

Similarly, if you become dependent on a girl’s validation, because you’ve set her high on a pedestal and have made her your purpose in life… you have no control over your emotions because you are just reacting to whatever SHE does. 

If you are experiencing this, it’s time to make a correction and re-anchor yourself to your purpose.